These are the people in your neighborhood

Aside from the creepy Greek guy down the street and the horrifyingly anti-semetic man that lives a little too close for comfort… I live in a pretty nice neighborhood.  Movie theaters, grocery stores, shopping, bars, movie studio, restaurants…

Then one morning my roommate awakes to find something unsettling outside of our kitchen window:

It started off several blocks away and day by day it’s parking space moved closer and closer until 10 construction workers cut from steel we’re hanging out just outside our 2nd story kitchen window having lunch.  Creepy.

I digress… down to business… and by business I mean silly links:

Turns out all those film strips we watched in high school health class were lying:

10 Myths about Marijuana

Of course if that’s the case then how do you explain this (I’m aware that I’ve linked to it in the past… but there’s always good new stuff… people who smoke the ganj have some pretty good ideas):

Highdeas

I don’t know what is going on over there in Japan… I know that Shylock bleeds if you cut him, but apparently Shylock-san would bleed out 10 times the blood that was contained in his body over the course of 5 hours if you cut him…. but I will totally put it on my netflix:

Mutant Girls Squad

You know… I like Macchio, and this video is right on the money… what’s a child star have to do to get work in this business?:

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio

WARNING: This one is vulgar and mean and tasteless… well, technically it’s about taste, so it’s not tasteless… but it’s most certainly offensive to a lot of people, and frankly I don’t want to hear it… but I do think it sounds like it might be eerily accurate:

What celebrity pus*y tastes like

Now something for the kids… if anyone wants to produce a Saturday morning cartoon of comic babies (like Muppet Babies but with comic heroes/villains) … call this guy right now because I want to watch that show with his character designs They are a little emo and a lot awesome:

Christopher Uminga’s comic kids

Wanna see two guys who could rip you in half talk about technique and how they can rip you in half before you know they’re touching you?  To be fair, Kimbo Slice (who is frankly terrifying, if you’ve ever seen him fight you know you never want to be on the receiving end), takes a lesson from actor Michael Jai White (from Spawn, but more importantly Black Dynamite, and that really cool Mortal Kombat trailer that hit the web this week):

A Quicky

Since I’ve been away for so long… I decided I should give you something nice.  I’ve watched it too many times today, and now you will too:

Not really their PR, but funny:

BP Global PR twitter feed

Worth it for the beans reactions… (that doesn’t make sense, I know):

Screaming beans

It’s funny… there are some celebrities who as children, you would’ve thought thay’d turn out much better looking… others, it’s astonishing how well they’ve aged.  (Mario Lopez wins the Dick Clark Dorian Grey award):

Celebrities then and now

It astounds me that there are still codes out there that haven’t been broken.  We have umpteen computer programs that crack codes and yet someone can write something like, “Givl upi mrtf, upi;; mrbrt dp;br yjod” and no one will figure it out for years.  (by the way, the example is a cipher that I made up… it is solvable… if you’re smart enough to figure it out mwah hahahaha):

11 Legendary Uncracked Ciphers

Here’s where I talk about porn.  yes… PORN.  Who doesn’t love porn?  OK, I only mentioned it 3 times because I’m sure it will totally raise the number of hits to my site… how do I know this?  Check out the stats man!:

College pranks   Stealing mascots, panty raids… I once put a toilet in a fountain.  These guys win:

R2-D2 FTW

And now… I leave you with… Keanu reeves eats everything:

ReversiblePanda’s Summer Movies 2010

The time has come… while my posts have been infrequent… it’s time to get my ass in gear and do what I have to. I’ve even hot linked the titles of the movies (up to a point, I’ll update later in the summer) to their trailer on youtube.  You’re welcome.  Still my most viewed post every year… it’s time for:

The ReversiblePanda’s Guide to Summer Movies 2010

We will start the guide with the first REAL release of the summer… Iron Man 2:

(All dates subject to change)

MAY 7th

• Iron Man 2 – Seriously… if this isn’t on your calendar… put it there now.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  Got it?  Good.  The first one exceeded my expectations so greatly, it will be easy for this one to fall short.  While the preliminary reviews aren’t exactly glowing, I feel most of them are comparing it to the first which is unfair because the first was damn near a perfect film.  Take the original, subtract Hustle & Flow guy and put in Don Cheadle (a far superior actor), toss in Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell and garnish with Scarlett Johansson.  I’ll be there in the packed theater at midnight.
• Babies – A documentary.  Think Planet Earth only without all the cool animals and far away vistas.  Just babies.  Okay, yeah, pretty cute and easy to market.  Maybe I’ll add it to my netflix queue.
• Casino Jack and the United States of Money – Another documentary.  This one about Jack Abramoff.  Remember that guy.  Not as cute as a baby.  If you need to see a documentary as palate cleanser after the pants raising awesomeness of Iron Man 2 I suggest the one above, not so much this one.
• Mother and Child – Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, and Kerry Washington, A drama centered around three women: A 50-year-old woman, the daughter she gave up for adoption 35 years ago, and an African American woman looking to adopt a child of her own.  Apparently the counter programming to Iron Man is baby fever.
• Multiple Sarcasms – Timothy Hutton, and Mira Sorvino in a movie about a guy who writes a play.  The title is pretty witty… and the poster looks like a cover of the New Yorker… and that’s probably about all you need to know to decide whether or not you’ll see this one.
• Solitary Man – a former owner of a car dealership chain whose career and marriage were destroyed by his business and romantic indiscretions starring… Michael Douglas.  Is it just me or has Michael Douglas turned into the low-rent version of Michael Douglas?

May 14th

• Just Wright – Oh yes!  Queen Latifah rom-com!  With Common… as a basketball star!!!  You know I am going to … avoid this like the plague.
• Letters to Juliet – Is this the one where Amanda Seyfried is 9 kinds of naked and making out with Julianne Moore?  No.  I’ll pass.
• Robin Hood - Now this is what I’m talking about.  It’s like a sequel to Gladiator with arrows instead of swords.  It’s my first Russell Crowe movie since 3:10 to Yuma that I’m rally geeked about.  It’s not all Russell though… Cate Blanchett as Marion and Mark Strong who quite frankly might be the coolest bad guy in film to come along in a while.  Screenplay by Brian Helgeland?!!  Oh for fucks sake just buy my ticket now.

May 21st

• MacGruber – Here’s where I tell you why you should give this movie a chance, seeing as how it’s based on a series of 1 minute long SNL sketches.  Two words: Val Kilmer.  Why should that convince you?  Because he plays a villain named Dieter Von Cunth.  If that in conjunction with Will Forte doesn’t get you excited… you and I probably don’t hang out much.
• Shrek Forever After – Plus = Jon Hamm and Jane Lynch join the cast.  Minus = everything else.  It’ll probably be fine… have a couple of drinks and watch it at home on DVD.

May 27th

Nothing comes out today.  Oh… Sex and the City 2… but I refuse to give it so much as a bullet point.

May 28th

• Agora - A historical drama set in Roman Egypt, concerning a slave who turns to the rising tide of Christianity in the hopes of pursuing freedom while also falling in love with his master, the famous female philosophy professor and atheist Hypatia of Alexandria.  Meh.  Wait… Rachel Weisz is playing Hypatia.  I’m in.  I would watch her read a phonebook.  Hell! I would watch her take a shit.  Okay… maybe not that… but I’ll totally watch her in a toga.  Tunic.  Whatever.
• Micmacs – I know nothing about this movie other than it’s a fantasy comedy about a guy with a bullet in his brain who takes down an arms manufacturer… but… it’s directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet.  This is the guy who directed Delicatessen, Alien:Resurrection and City of Lost Children which is easily my favorite foreign film.  Regardless of anything else, the visuals should be stunning.
• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time - Speaking of visuals… no I’m not talking about Jake Gyllenhablegabblehalls abs.  I’m talking about the whirling sand, the parkour stunts, all of the Mummy-esque special effects.  I do have higher expectations than you would expect for this one though… it may look all summer blockbuster sugar with no nourishment but it’s directed by the same guy that directed Donnie Brasco… so fingers crossed.
• Survival of the Dead – How can the “dead,” “survive?”  That just doesn’t make sense.  But then, George Romero’s been slipping lately.  Much respect to him for being the ‘creator’ of the zombie genre, but his last one… yikes… the zombies weren’t half as scary as the production values… zing!

June 4th

• Get Him to the Greek – I still have no idea if this is supposed to be a sequel or a “companion piece” to Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s got Russell Brand as a rock star and Jonah Hill as a fat guy.  Are they the same rock star and fat guy from the other movie?  Who knows.  But it’ll probably have some funny bits.
• Killers – True Lies.  Except with Ashton Kutcher as the super-spy who didn’t tell his wife that he was a super-spy.
• Marmaduke – Damn you Emma Stone… your hotness is being wasted.  George Lopez in another movie about a dog.  Sure it’s a famous dog, and sure my girlfriend will probably make me go see it, but I won’t enjoy anything about it except Emma.
• Ondine – The original mythology behind Ondine is an immortal water nymph who have no soul unless a man impregnates them and they bear a child.  Sort of like the little mermaid crossed with a succubus.  It looks pretty classy and Colin Ferrell has impressed me lately, this might be a nice summer palette cleanser in between explosiongasm movies.
• Splice – Doctors in love splicing DNA.   Splice Dr.Moreau and Altered States and have Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody create huffalumps… I give you Splice.

June 11th

• The A-Team – The first high profile retread of this week.  The trailer looks like it will be full of preposterous action sequences.  Shooting from a tank that’s been dropped from a plane… really?  That has never stopped me before.  I will go.  If just to watch Rampage Jackson crush things.
• The Karate Kid – God damn it!!! Leave my childhood alone.  Will Smith’s spawn in the Ralph Macchio role and Jackie Chan filling Pat Morita’s sandals… just stop.  Hopefully this will get decimated by the A-Team, but it probably won’t.  It’s family friendly and gen-x’ers like myself will bring their kids in droves… might I suggest you stay home and rent the original.  Damnitall!!!
• Winter’s Bone – I know absolutely nothing about this film except that it will make approximately 29 dollars on its opening weekend.  Ok, it won Sundance… which means it’s good… but… the only reason you open a film with no stars on a day with two potential blockbusters in the summer is to fulfill a contractual obligation.  Good luck finding this one at the theaters.

June 18th

• I Am Love – Tilda Swinton is good in everything she does.  Here I’m sure is no exception.  I also have never seen a movie starring Tilda Swinton on the big screen, only on cable, long after it has left the theater.  This I’m sure is no exception.
• Jonah Hex – For the uninitiated, Jonah Hex is based on a comic about a disfigured gunslinger bounty hunter who wears a confederate army uniform.  If it stays as bloody as the comic it’ll be worth it.  Brolin’s make-up looks great so it’s a good sign.  Megan Fox is the hottie of the film and I don’t think I’m the only one who’s over her completely… I’m not thrilled about her, but she will admittedly look good in a corset… better to do that here than in a period drama.
• Let It Rain – Original title: Parlez-moi de la pluie.  Sorry… not seeing a French film in the middle of June… I just won’t do it.
• Toy Story 3 – Silly Andy, going off to college and donating your toys to a day care… I hope you realize that you still want to live at home as a man child and leave college to come back and rescue your toys from the day care… oh … is that what happens?  Did I ruin the movie for you?  Sorry.

June 25th

• Dogtooth – I don’t know what this movie is, or where it’s from.  You’ve got 3 teenagers living in a isolated estate (is it even on earth??) who create a new language and then discover sex which inevitably tears them apart.  So… I’ll call this one… The Others in the Blue Lagoon.
• Grown Ups – A cast of comedy all-stars!!  Well… Adam Sandler and some friends.  Old friends from SNL wanted to make a movie, so they did, unfortunately with Chris Farley no longer around, Kevin James fills the fat guy pants.
• Knight & Day – I can buy Cameron Diaz as a single woman who has trouble with men… but Tom Cruise as a secret agent??  Come to think of it, this is pretty well worn territory for both of them.

June 30th

• Twilight: Eclipse – Some movie about werewolves and vampires, I’m not familiar with it by choice.

June (undetermined)

• Love Ranch- Though it hasn’t chosen a release date yet… I felt the need to include this Taylor Hackford film because it stars his wife, Helen (too old to be that sexy) Mirren, and Joe (where the fuck have I been) Pesci.  It’s based on the real-life story of Joe and Sally Conforte, who in 1971 opened Mustang Ranch, the first legalized house of prostitution in Nevada.  I’m at least adding this to my netflix.  Despite the fact that with an Academy Award-worthy director and actors, it’s getting released in the summer.

July 2nd

• The Last Airbender - Formerly known as Avatar: The Last Airbender, M. Night Shamalamadingdong says this is his best film.  Now I love me some 6th Sense, and upon re-watching Unbreakable is pretty good.  As far as his other films, god I hope he’s right.  It bodes well that this is the July 4th weekend movie… everything else stepped away.

July 7th

• The Kids Are All Right – Two teenagers seek out their biological father (Mark Ruffalo), the kids bring him back into the fold with their mothers (Annette Bening, and Julianne Moore) and hilarity ensues.  So says the press release… I’m guessing it’s less “hilarity,” and more, “dry, Sideways, snicker in your seat next to the octagenarian,” funny.

July 9th

• Cyrus – Mmmmmarisa Tomei.  Being that she shot a video for my website and all… I feel an obligation to say: Movie of the summer!!! Go see it!  Obligation aside… it’ll probably be cute and funny.  I like John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill doesn’t do anything for me in either direction so… I’ll give it a shot.
• Despicable Me – Crazy bad guy plots to steal the moon.  Animated feature from universal.  Looks cute.  It seems to me that it’s rare when a sharp looking well-produced CGI film from a major studio turns out badly.  They work on the damn thing for 7 years, so there’s time to iron out kinks.  I’ll end this by just listing the voice cast: Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Kristen Wiig, Will Arnett, Danny McBride, Russell Brand, Jemaine Clement, Jack McBrayer, Julie Andrews, Miranda Cosgrove, Mindy Kaling.
• Predators – What??!! Two Adrien Brody movies in one summer?!?  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this one will probably not be as good, but will be more enjoyable… I know that makes no sense… but I rarely do.
• Winnebago Man – A documentary about a guy who became “famous,” for cursing in a winnebago commercial that spread around the internet.  I would sooner see a documentary about Numa Numa kid.

July 16th

• Inception – The guy that directed Dark Knight got together Leonardo DiCaprio, Marion Cotillard, and Ken Watanabe among others to make… um… a movie.  Honestly I have no idea what this movie is going to be about, but it looks REALLY cool and will probably be really fucking good.  But I’ve been wrong before.
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Re-cast the sorcerer bit from Disney’s Fantasia with real people… who’d you come up with?  Yeah, I didn’t pick those two either… My worry is Nic Cage.  He’s good in one movie every 5-8 years.  He was good in Kick-Ass… the odds are not with him for this.

July 23rd

• Dinner for Schmucks -Steve Carell and Paul Rudd together again in a re-make of a really dark French film.  They lightened it up a bit and threw in Galifinakis.  Which means… I’m totally in.
• Ramona and Beezus – Finally a Beverly Cleary movie!  I was partial to Judy Blume.  I literally could not care less about this film.  It’s got some Disney tween star and Tom Brady’s ex.  That’s all I’m giving you on this one.
• Salt – Angelina Jolie playing a role that was written for Tom Cruise, I’m amazed that this hasn’t happened sooner.  There was a rumor going around that Tom was offered the lead in Tomb Raider but that’s neither here nor there.

July 30th

• The Adjustment Bureau - I’m glad they made another Bourne film, but I hope it’s not like Green Zone, what?  That wasn’t a Bourne movie?  What?  Neither is this? Coulda fooled me.  This one is supposed to be based on a Philip K Dick story, I worship the ground he walks on, but this looks to be a loosely based situation, and Dick can go wrong… see Paycheck?
• Beastly – I think this is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast… but I have no idea.  I just know that Mary-Kate Olsen is in it… so it might just be a documentary about that cow.  Mary-Kate if you’re reading this, put down the fork! 
  
• Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore – Remember a few lines up I said, “Dick can go wrong,” it was funny because it was in reference to sci-fi writer Philip K Dick, not about male genitalia.  Remember that Bond movie character named Pussy Galore?  Now…. remember that kids movie that made a reference to it?  It’s this one.  I’m not talking about it.
• The Dry Land – Soldier returns from Iraq…. blah blah blah… trouble adjusting… blah blah blah… abondons the woman he left behind… blah blah blah… redemption.  Now you don’t have to see it.
  
• Get Low – Robert Duvall as a guy who plans his own funeral when he was still alive so he could enjoy it.  Bill Murray’s addition makes is this almost irresistible, Tim McGraw is a bit of a curveball… add it to your netflix… go to the beach, summer is no time for a movie of this caliber.

July (undetermined)

• Hairspray 2 – I didn’t see the first one and if you strapped me to an Clockwork Orange contraption and forced me to watch this one I would concentrate on making my eyes explode.
• The Extra Man – A failed playwright turned male escort Kevin Kline mentors Paul Dano a troubled aspiring playwr- – - wait did that just say Kevin Kline male escort?  It did.

August 6

• Mao’s Last Dancer – At the age of 11, Li Cunxin was plucked from a poor Chinese village by Madame Mao’s cultural delegates and taken to Beijing to study ballet. In 1979, during a cultural exchange to Texas, he fell in love with an American woman.  Top billing: Bruce Greenwood and Kyle Mac-Lachlan.  In that plot breakdown… you tell me who the fuck they play.
• Middle Men – Yet another, “based on a true story,” movie this summer… this one focuses on the 2 guys who basically invent internet porn.  While I’ve never in my life been to a pornographic website (shhhh… my mother my be reading this), this movie looks like it might be really good.
• The Other Guys – For every Bruce Willis and Reginald Vel Johnson, for every Mel GIbson and Danny Glover, for every Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker… there are two guys at a desk… those two guys apparently are Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.  I’ll go … one problem… Marky Mark told EW he’s very happy to be doing a comedy, he’s had bit parts in them, but he’s never starred in one.  Anyone else remember The Big Hit?  Didn’t he star in that? What was that?  A period drama?
• Step Up 3D – If you live in NY, please don’t go so see this movie.   Because if you do, you might see me there, because I will be there.  I’m just not ready to face up to it yet.

August 13th

• Eat, Pray, Love – When the plot synopsis includes the words, “married woman,” and “journey of self-discovery,” and it stars Julia Roberts.  I’ll be in the theatre … next door… seeing:
• The Expendables – To quote the guy outside the movie theatre in Queens after seeing the trailer, “dis movie has got like every actor in it ever.”  I don’t know that it’s every actor ever, nor do I know if you can technically call everyone in this movie, an “actor.”  In case you haven’t heard, 2 cameos from Bruce Willis, and the Governator, you’ve got Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture, Dolph Lungdren, Steve Austin, Charisma Carpenter, Brittany Murphy, Terry Crews, and Eric Roberts.  See you there.
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World -Michael Cera being his usual awkward self, having to turn action hero to defeat his new girlfriends exes.   I want to see this for a myriad of reasons.  I want to see this while not wearing pants for 3 reasons, Mary Elizabeth Winstead (in a different cotton candy colored wig in every scene), Alison Pill, and Anna Kendrick.

August 20th

• The Lottery Ticket – Bow Wow, and Ice Cube star in a … you know what… not doing this.  See the title?  That’s what it’s about.  See the stars? There will also be some barking and a glass of lemonade sweaty with condensation
• Nanny McPhee 2 – the first one was really cute.  I’m just sayin’.
• The Switch – Ordinarily I would avoid a Jen Aniston rom-com, but I would watch Jason Bateman read a phonebook.  I may be all movied out by this point in the summer but I may still catch this one.
• Takers – A crew doing high tech heists is pursued by a cop.  One of the stars likened it to Heat.  Wishful thinking I would say.  I’ll wait to see what the buzz is (tell me whats a happenin) when we get closer.

August 27th (ma birfday)

• Centurion – Roman soldiers in Scotland… another stoner road comedy… just kidding… more swords and sweaty men… haven’t seen the trailer yet… but I do plan on catching up on Spartacus the series this summer… may put me in the mood.
• Going the Distance – Drew Barrymore tarnishes the family name with yet another romantic comedy.  This one with her on again off again real life boyfriend Justin Long.  Jason Sudeikis is in it though, and if I hear he’s in more than 20 minutes of the movie, maybe I’ll rent it.
• Piranha 3-D – Happy Birthday to me.

This concludes the summer movie round up.  I hope I’ve been helpful.  Feel free to let me know that I’m wrong or more likely very, very right about regarding this textual vomit about any of these movies.  Until next time… see you at the overpriced multi-plex.

itsasickness

Ok… so I know haven’t posted as regularly as I used to… in fact barely posting at all… to all of those that cared enough to send nasty emails… I’m SORRY. Mea Culpa! But here’s the thing. I’ve been working way too hard on this new project… and I just don’t have the time anymore… I will try to stop in occasionally, I promise… but in the meantime, in case you hadn’t heard… my blog got noticed by some people back in the day and it landed me this new gig.
The gig is www.itsasickness.com
Alan Cumming is officially launching the site tonight on Jimmy Fallon. I’ve got confessional style interviews with Jason Bateman, Sam Rockwell, Marisa Tomei, and more on the site, with more to come…
Check it out. Join the site. Add some stuff. If the site blows up huge which (fingers crossed) it will… I will be much busier for a while… but then I will be much more relaxed and maybe post more stuff in here instead of passing out immediately from exhaustion every night.
As a helper… I will direct you to some of my favorite groups on itsasickness.
Just cus it’s awesome:
70s Movies

I started this group because I still giggle at people’s pain:
Epic Fails

Because he’s my Jesus, and my ring tone:
Edward Hill

Because I live with her:
Daphne

Because it’s my girlfriends favorite group:
Chihuahuas

And finally, because it’s me and if you know my blog, then you’ll understand:
Bacon

Oh wait… one more… because I’m into self-aggrandizement:
Staff about page

Work in regress

Due to people getting angry at me for not posting anything for a while… I will put this post up which is unfinished but has been sitting in here as a draft for god knows how long.
Sorry… I’ve had paying work… so not much time to ruminate on the internets stupidity. Frankly, and this is going to be a controversial stance, I blame you readers. Had you focused on making me more popular it would be ReversiblePanda.0 not Tosh.0 … but c’est la vie. For being so loyal here’s half of an incomplete post.

My favorite thing of the month. I have no words to describe it. Though, neither does he (if you’re like me, it gets funnier the longer it goes on):

I haven’t taken this test in a while… but I think I may have gone up in price… I am worth exactly $2,706,152:

How much are you worth?

Once a year Askmen does a top 99 women list… it’s always interesting to me to see who they choose… there are always a few I’ve never heard of and a few that have no business being on the list… I thought I would give you a little insight into my feelings about this years list.

FYI you can find the whole list with photos here:

Askmen Top 99

99. Jamie-Lynn Sigler (remember the Sopranos… so does she.. that’s pretty much all she’s got)

98. Arianny Celeste (she was apparently a UFC ring girl… yeah… I never heard of her either)

97. Sasha Grey (pornstar turned “legit” by playing a whore in a Soderbergh film…)

96. Doira Baird (star of many of my dreams, unless you’re a fan of women built like goddesses, you probably don’t know who she is… hint: topless in Wedding Crashers)

95. Erin Burnett (reporter on CNBC, she looks like what would happen in the Deschanel sisters had a child of their own)

94. Alexa Chung (met her once… crazy tall… hot British accent… she offered me a job then never called… but I’m totally not bitter… ok maybe a little)

93. Audrey Tautou (I’ve only ever seen her in Amelie, oh, and that clip of her in some movie where she’s topless… go ahead google it… I’ll wait… …. … nice right?)

92. Carey Mulligan (looks too young for me to find her hot… what is she 12?)

91. Julia Allison (columnist for Time Out NY… kinda looks like Anne Hathaway with Gina Gershon’s lips)

90. Carrie Underwood (When she won American Idol I thought she was cute… fame has been kind … she’s graduated to very very bangable)

89. Denise Milani (who?  really?  a girl who did autoshows made this list?  this means she’s willing to put out to get on to internet lists… )

88. Angelina Jolie (how the mighty have fallen… perhaps people finally realized that she weighs less than a penny and probably tastes as metallic)

87. Maria Menounos (miss teen USA Massachusetts when she was 17… if not for her allegiance to the Bush family she’d be an honorary Greek Kennedy)

86. Kristen Wiig (I am thrilled to find her here, but disappointed because knowing that others think she’s as hot as I do gives me less of a shot… )

85. Blake Lively (admittedly hot… but not hot enough to make me watch Gossip Girl)

84. Cate Blanchett (

83. Diane Kruger (

82. Jessica Simpson (it’s good to still see her on the list despite gettin a bit beefy.. I’m all for that, but 10 more pounds and I have to start taking IQ into consideration)

81. Whitney Port (Is the Hills still a show?  is MTV still a network?  or is that on Vh1?  Guess what?  Don’t know.  Don’t care.)

80. Selita Ebanks (she’s married to who??)

79. Anna Paquin (I still haven’t forgiven her for her portrayal of Rogue, where in the south was she from? Clicheville?

78. Chelsea Handler (Irreverent and funny but probably looser than a vegetarians stool)

77. Joanna Krupa

76. Kristen Bell (I couldn’t watch Veronica Mars because I was afraid of chaffing from over pleasuring myself)

75. Leighton Meester

74. Eva Longoria

73. Alesha Dixon (Askmen claims she’s famous for a single on the Catwoman soundtrack… to me this means… she’s not famous)

72. Ana Ivanovic (tennis players always get a bonus hotness point for having a job that makes them grunt like pornstars)

71. Sophie Monk

70. Tricia Helfer

69. Leona Lewis

68. Gina Carano (There is only one instance in which I would thoroughly enjoy getting my ass kicked… Gina could rip out my spleen and show it to me and I would smile and shuffle my feet nervously)

67. Izabel Goulart

66. Halle Berry

65. Maria Sharapova (see #72 and move her higher on the list for being better at swatting balls and grunting)

64. Jennifer Hawkins

63. Aishwarya Rai (Easily the hottest Indian on the planet…. hands down… which is all the more impressive when you consider there are more than 1.1 billion people in India)

62. Ivanka Trump

61. Anne Hathaway

60. Eliza Dushku (she’s all torso with stubby legs)

59. Coco Rocha

58. Christina Hendricks (I could make a really crass joke about her giant breasts, but I can’t because I’m distracted by her giant breasts)

57. Lucy Pinder

56. Rihanna

55. Emma Watson (finally old enough to be hot without being illegally hot)

54. Marion Cotillard (I’ve thought about doing things to her that they’ve never even heard of in France)

53. Emily Blunt

52. Holly Weber

51. Taylor Swift (something so wrong but so right about her at the same time)

50. Freida Pinto (see #63… I would be more ok with this if the two were reversed on this list… ‘Aish’ is way hotter.

Ill communication

I’m willing to bet that 90% of every disagreement I’ve ever had in my life is not actually due to me fucking something up or completely dropping the ball, or being a moron in general… as I get older I find it hard to communicate effectively.  I used to be good at it, now I’m not and it always ends up that we hurt the ones we love because we weren’t able to express ourselves the right way.  10% of the time… yes, it’s because I’m an idiot.

That was a weird way to start the post… sorry… let’s just get to the silly stuff.

Mental illness is not funny.  Unless you have to sit on a plane next to it:

Wow… the guy is a chameleon!

11 Things that look like Joe Jackson

Its about time someone took this kind of a stance… they’ve had a free ride for far too long:

Little kids are dicks

Another one of these cases where the utterly bizzare title of the site is exactly what you’ll find inside:

http://hotchickswithstubbedtoesmakingsexfaces.com/

This might be favorite Onion news report in a long time.  Kind of brilliant in it’s concept and amazing in it’s execution:

VH1 bus crash causing major slut spill

Nic Cage does a lot of movies.  Sometimes it seems as if he’s in everything.  It’s like he’s a part of all of us and we’re all a part of him:

Nic Cage is everyone

For no reason… gifs:

J’aime le gif

I don’t ever want to become that old guy that we’re all doomed to become (well, the men at any rate), who is so unhip he doesn’t know a single current artist and he constantly laments the days when music was music and not just noise and screaming into a microphone.  The problem is, I just don’t have time to sit and listen to all 25 of 2009′s biggest hits… it’s a good thing someone mashed them all up into one song.  Impressively I might ad:

Merry Chanukamas and Happy New Year!

My life has changed in way I could have never foreseen.  Life is weird sometimes… I figure even with medical science where it is today… (assuming 2012 isn’t the end for all of us) with my proclivity for bacon… I’m about at the mid-way point for my life… or close to it.  Nothing is exactly as I pictured it 10 years ago.  It’s nowhere near what I pictured 20 years ago… still no hoverboard!  Damn you Zemekis!

But overall I think I’m in pretty good shape.  I am very thankful for all of my friends, all of the opportunities I’ve been given and all the love I have in my life today.  Here’s to 2010 being a great year!

And now… what you’ve all been waiting for… the Reversible Panda’s Best Internet Videos of 2009 (disclaimer: while some of these videos appeared prior to 2009 I believe all of them had their rise to fame and popularity in the past year):

10. Sittin’ on a Toilet

9. Charlie Bit Me (Auto-tuned)

8. Love of bacon pushes fat kid to the edge

7. Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody

6. Pumpkin head dancer

5. Lip-sync Kid (2 parter since he nabbed on appearance on the news too)

4. Little Wings

3. Keep Fucking That Chicken

2. Drunk guy singing and smoking in the shower

1. David After Dentist

I thought it unfair to put some of these against heavyweights like “David After Dentist,” so I decided to give them their own list…

The Reversible Panda’s Cutest Internet Videos of 2009:

10: Maru and the Giant Box

9: Teach me Tiger Cub

8: Two Dogs, One Cockroach (technically it’s a Beetle, but who cares)

7: A Funeral for Lucky

6: Frenchie Can’t Roll Over

5: Baby thinks Wii Golf is hilarious

4. Drench Clever Hamsters Jazz Band

3. Surprised Kitty

2. Baby Elephant Sneeze

1. Kittens Inspired By Kittens

Pretty good on this end

I’ve been swamped lately with work.  Sorry for the mini-hiatus (only mini compared to the length of time that I’ve disappeared in the past).  Overall it’s been a good kind of swamped though… just gearing up for this next big project… once it launches I will post it here for all of you guys to check out.

Being that I am a bit of an armchair neuropsychologist as most regular readers know… I always love sharing links like this because I honestly believe that the human brain IS the undiscovered country.  Yeah, we’re exploring space and there is an argument for staying on this planet and figuring it out first… for God’s sake 95% of the underwater world here on earth is unexplored.  95%!!!!! And while I will be the first to admit that Margaret Mead totally fabricated the idea that we only use 10% of our brains, there is still a fuck’of’a'lot that we can’t figure out about them:

When brains attack

Ok… enough smart-talk… let’s get naked.  Sure a world record is impressive… but… wouldn’t it be more impressive if you did it while naked:

Naked world records

I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I still have a lot of these at home.  And by at home I mean at my parents house and in my ‘grown-up’ apartment:

The weirdest M.U.S.C.L.E. men

I love mash-ups and this is a whole new style of mash-up.  I really hope it catches on… because it might be my favorite.  They basically replaced all the dialogue with lines that still fit the actors lips.  It makes me realize how difficult the art of lip reading must be:

Nothing to report

Busy with lots of stuff… things happening… enjoy your day.

Officially my favorite thing of the day:

Worst thing

Japanese people are ruthless when it comes to hidden camera pranks… case in point… they usually involve making someone thing they’re about to die:

Funny.

Here in A-Muh-rikA!  We’re a bit simpler:

While I don’t mean for the RP (Reversible Panda) to become a video only blog… as evidenced by the video above… there are just too many weird ass things that people will put on youtube… this next one is admittedly stupid, but I have to admit I’ve never seen anyone do it like this… How to Eat a Chicken Wing:

For those of you who aren’t blessed to live in NY and experience the joy that is chinatown, I will explain this in the simplest terms possible.  You know that movie that’s coming out next summer that you’re really excited to see?  You can already buy a bootleg of it in chinatown… and they haven’t even finished shooting it yet.  It really is incredible.  The photoshop wizards they have designing the DVD covers however… occasionally miss the mark… by a lot:

15 Worst DVD Bootleg covers of all time

Long live monkey goat

Like most philosophical debates… I was speaking with my friend Fred about theology and atheism and the discussion inevitably culminated in his sending me a link to this video:

Long live monkey goat.

Ok… Fred wins the finding weird shit on the internet award for the day… I’m running on empty and he just followed up monkey goat with, “Girls on Skateboards”

Put on your cuteness goggles… I’ve been waiting for us, as a people, to domesticate wolves for some time now, and it seems aside from Lorenzo Lamas, the Latin Wolf, we have made no strides.  This gives me hope and tides me over:

Dog adopts wolf cub

There are a ton of mash-ups all over the internets of clips from movies and cool techno songs made with soundbytes… but this is the first one I’ve seen that actually uses the dialog from movies to make the (rhyming I might add) lyrics to the songs: