Death warmed over

March 31, 2008

I went this weekend to see August: Osage County on Broadway.  It was pretty damned amazing.   I would go so far as to say it may be the best straight play I’ve ever seen.  Not just the writing, and the acting, but the directing/staging was phenomenal.  I used to see shows where the acting was so impressive I thought to myself, I’ll never be that good.  After seeing this, which had perhaps some of the greatest performances I’ve ever seen, I didn’t have that thought.  I thought to myself, “I could hold my own up there.”  I’m not sure what happened… I don’t know if I’m more cocky, confident, or just more delusional.

Yesterday was the start of what is feeling like a fierce cold.  I’ve poured salt water up one nostril and let it flow out of the other, I’ve been drinking water like it’s… water… I’m still kind of a mess… and the heat isn’t working in my office… in fact I have cold air blowing on me right now.  I may not make it.  So in actuality I’m not even death ‘warmed’ over, I’m kinda like death on ice.  Not in a Disney way.

It’s a wonderful thing in cinema when schlubs score ridiculously hot women. It rarely happens in reality but it gives us hope that someday we too can score way out of our league (2 disclaimers; 1 – Viggo Mortensen is not so much an odd looking duck, 2 – Personally I don’t have to worry about scoring out of my league… I’m so ridiculously out of most womens leagues that even Scarlett Johansson has been afraid to call me):

Weird Looking Dudes who were able to score

The call these the worst… I beg to differ… these are the awesomest!:

10 Worst Aweseomest Infomercials

I’ve never been to Vegas, but I have been to Reno and Atlantic City and they’re just as good right? … right?:

Hollywood tips to being a better gambler

They did leave out Killing Zoe, which is one of my favorites but anytime there is a reference to the heist in Heat… they at least have a grasp on the basics:

Best Scenes from Movie Robberies

Just because:

A monkey on a mini-bike

Last week I talked about bettering myself by reading science books and whatnot… that’s even more of a waste of time than I thought, science books lie. Most of the people that you think ‘invented’ something, probably didn’t, they’re just really good with the paperwork:

Thomas Edison and 4 other douche bags

Welcome to the part of the blog where I plug friends. First up is a guy who is doing this contest called Total Pop Star, an American Idol style competition judged by (among others) Joey Lawrence, and Deborah Gibson. He’s a close friend of someone I love and trust and she says he’s the shit, plus he’s a fellow Astoria boy… so if you get a minute go and vote for him:

Travis M. is a ‘total pop star’

This woman is a composer and lyricist who came to see me in a show last year and thought I was funny and talented. The least I can do is post her foray into the youtube political race and she’s supporting the right guy so it’s all fine by me. Move over Obama girl… :

Oh, dear lord… I know the name of the show is the “Naked Brothers Band,” but little did I know that it was geared for series regulars from, “To Catch a Predator.”  I asked a gay porn director what he thought of this clip and he said, “That is TOO gay for me, and they’re only children for petesake!”:

Banana Smoothie

I always had a thing for redheads… now I know why… they’re easy (to all of my redheaded female friends this was a joke… I don’t think you’re easy.  But seriously… what are you doing later?):

Redheads have more sex

I’m not gonna stop eating meat any time soon.  Meat is delicious.  But, there might just be something to be said for a woman who doesn’t let any meat cross her lips… maybe I should have phrased that differently:

10 Hottest Vegetarians

The only thing I would’ve added to this list is Bill Paxton and a leg of chicken from, “The Dark Backward,” otherwise these are all pretty good choices:

10 Most disgusting onscreen kisses

Advertisements

Knowledge is power

March 28, 2008

Ever since I was a kid I was told by parents, teachers, interstitials between Saturday morning cartoons, “Knowledge is power.” Makes sense, seems like a sound maxim. I began cramming my head with all sorts of nonsense. Reading books on religion, astronomy, biology, history, technology… you very quickly will come to the rather Confuciunary (a word I made up that shall henceforth mean, “of or pertaining to Confucius) idea that true knowledge is to know the extent of you knowledge. Having cracked but 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 of all the knowledge available to me I have realized I am not very powerful. That is to say, if one is the other, than I am lacking on both plates of the scale.

So I started to focus on philosophy. I really bonded with Nietzsche, especially his axiom, (well I think he stole it from the Oracle at Delphi) “Know Thyself.” This was seconded by the more flowery Jung who said something like … journey into your heart, know yourself and awaken. I never liked him as much… you can’t really get down with a philosopher named, “Carl.” I am trying to learn all I can about myself, not in a solipsistic way, but just as a means of trying to focus my life and my energies. Ok.. that sounded totally gay… not gay like homosexual… gay like the Care Bears. I’m working on me… that’s all I’m trying to say… and frankly… I’m a pretty cool guy. I have my issues, but I also have a lot to offer… like all the BS you find on this blog. I guess all I’m trying to say is, I strongly urge you all to, “Take a big swim in Lake You.”

I also finally watched the most recent episode of Lost… and really need a lot of my friends who joined the Lost party late to catch up so I can discuss with them the goings on.  I can’t believe they killed Jack AND Sawyer… it makes no sense.

I am fully aware that the above didn’t happen… or did it?  I just wanted to give a heart attack to those of you who are still on the DVDs of season 3.

There will never be a better band than Journey for a night out drinking. Journey is so good when you are in a bar that it could turn a bad time good, turn a straight bar gay, or turn a bar fight into a ballet:

The top 10 Bar Songs of All Time

Political leanings aside… I did wonder about all that Kerry bashing, and questioning his bravery and whatnot… all of this by W, who went AWOL from the Alabama National Guard:

Angry with the right

To balance out that last one… let’s take a look at the terrifying realities that this years candidate has witnessed:

Hillary’s War Journal

I am a few days late with this one, but it has inspired me to file a patent for my Jesus that lays candy filled eggs:

Easter Patents

Plus… my egg dropping savior can’t fail once I get this guy behind my product, because, “If he believes in your product, Jesus believes in your product.”:

Christvertising

This video has been everywhere and I’m sure you’ve all seen it by now, but in case you haven’t I’ve finally gotten around to putting it here… A bitch slap, in slow motion:

Poor Sarah Jessica Parker… her life must be hell after being voted Unsexiest woman alive. It can’t be all bad, sure your face looks like a foot but you’re married to Ferris Bueler… so… that’s cool, right:

10 Women Unsexier than SJP

It’s hard to imagine a world without the internet, without cell phones, but as much as I hate to admit it, that’s the world I grew up in… which is good because there would be far too many videos of me like this on the internet:

Chubby kid dancing

The only other creature besides me that has this problem… god bless the squid:

Angry squid sex

Science Link
Joking aside for a moment… this guy is my new hero… if his stuff actually comes to pass he may have saved humanity… seriously… he may have a cure for cancer and a substitute for oil… all in one idea (look him up on youtube too to see news stories about him where you can actually watch salt water burn):

John Kanzius

Turning good into bad, this girl suffers from dermotographia, causing her skin to become red and inflamed at small scratches for 30 minutes at a time. She decided to purposely put designs on her body and take pictures of it and call it art… the writing on her thighs is actually really cool:

Skin art

If you’ve been in my room… you’ve seen the toys… you know why this is here:

Every Simpsons couch gag in 5 minutes

I actually keep a jar of DDT in my closet and occasionally mist my clothing with it.  I have a deep seeded fear of egrets and it keeps them at bay:

5 Most over-hyped health scares

LOTD
This may seem like an odd choice for my link of the day… but I was actually really enthralled by some of these tats and the explanations for getting them (I especially like the Otzi, the ECG, and the vita brevis, ars longa tattoo is very similar to one I’ve been thinking about getting (side note on the latin one… the girl who got it might also consider a little tergum saeta amotio (bonus credit to anyone who figures that out)))

Science tattoos

Yesterday we had a birthday in the office. There are special conversations that happen in an office populated with people of a certain age. A card was opened and a joke was made regarding the illustration on the card. That joke was then repeated to each person in the office as the card was paraded around the office. This was the beginning of a reminiscing about humorous cards people had received in the past. I heard statements like, “Do you remember that card that Stan gave me for my 60th? It had the cutest picture of a gorilla on it and it said, ‘Don’t monkey around.'” This was followed by raucous laughter. I wish I could say I was kidding or exaggerating, I wish I could tell you I worked in an old folks home so that story would make sense. I can’t tell you these things. All I can tell you is that my pithy observations about a bulletproof Paul Prudhomme go entirely unappreciated.

I hooked my Wii up to the internet yesterday.  They have something called Wii connect 24, so now the box has an eerie blue glow coming from it 24-7.  Apparently even when you aren’t playing, your wii needs to talk to home base, and your little Mii can mingle with all the other Mii’s in the cyber tubes.  All I need is to turn on my machine and find out my Mii contracted syphilis from some other Mii.  I don’t like the idea of my little doppelganger going out with no supervision.

Based on the women I know, I’m really shocked, “poop,” and, “caress,” aren’t on this list:

50 Words women hate the most

If you’ve ever sat down and thought about this it shouldn’t come as a surprise:

Tap water is not a naturally occurring substance

All the drugs in the world wouldn’t prepare you for this… James Cameron presents Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hamlet:

I always post when these guys put up lists of chicks in whipped cream bikinis, so why would I pass up posting this tantalizing list?:

Top 10 videos of dogs humping people

This guy should be in all movies. All. Especially ones with Jackie Chan. He’s got no legs and he kicks ass:

Dr. No … Legs

Not that I’m planning on prison at any point in my life but for those of you with nefarious leanings, you might want to brush up on these:

Prison slang terms

John Ford (as in Fort Apache, The Searchers, Rio Grand John Ford) was once paid by the government to make a propaganda film supporting the war. Luckily for the country and unluckily for him (especially since it was technically his last film), the tide changed and the war was over before the film could be shown. As a result it has never been seen in the United States. It’s been released by the national archives and someone put it online… wanna see John Ford’s final film?:

Vietnam, Vietnam

It’s odd the way this guy started this project but the results are pretty cool. I like the drawings and all but I would rather a video of him when he asked his grandmother to draw a picture of a prostitute:

The prostitute project

Game link
This William Tell inspired game is way more fun than it should be, you’ll quickly find the joy rests mostly in the accidents that happen but when I got bored with that and actually played the game, I made it to 80 feet:

Apple shooter

LOTD
There is no explanation for why Canadians are able to function with stuff like this on TV. I remember seeing one last year about domestic abuse where a dad just goes medieval on some poor waitress… but the PSA’s about workplace safety (that only come in at #9 on this list!) would have had me crying with my knees tucked under my chin had I seen them when I was growing up. Apparently they just air them in between reruns of Friends up there in the Great White North… frightening:

10 Most disturbing Public Service Announcements

This has to be complained about again. Metro and AM New York, free newspapers here in the metropolitan area. We know you exist! If we want you, we can go and pick you up, we know where to find you. I don’t want to cost people jobs or anything, but for f*&% sake! When there is a mob of people trying to get up and down stairs to the subway, we do not need 2 people blocking the entrance shouting, “Free news, free news, something good to read while you’re on the train.” It causes congestion and I refuse to take a paper from these people, they’re always shoving it in my path as if to say, “take this so you can get by.”

In other news… I made a new banner at the top of the page… found that adorable picture and played with it in picture editor to make it all the more hilarious while Fred played Wii tennis behind me occasionally giving me pointers. What do you think? Adorable right? I know.

One thing that the internet provides is endless evidence of human stupidity. If I’m going to do kata based on the movement of a lion. I would prefer to do it away from a lion and perhaps have it photoshopped in later. I would not do my kata in front of said lion, especially if said lion was being restrained with a dog leash:

Woman vs. 400 pound lion

I am often disheartened when I get my groceries home and rip open the package only to find that what I am about to shove into my gob looks nothing like what I thought it would. Thankfully this man has a side by side comparison of several foods pictured next to the photograph on the carton. Especially disturbing is what I believe to be ‘rice pudding’:

Advertising vs. Reality

Have you ever wondered which was the most destructive or terrifying fictional evil robot? Me neither, this guy however has put quite a bit of time into it:

Earth vs. Evil Robots

While I most definitely do not condone the inclusion of pandas as the #1 animal on this list (I have several photos on the myspace blog to contradict their main bullet point), I must say that I will have nightmares about at least two of the things on this list:

Creepy Animals vs. Extinction

Okay enough with the versus stuff… have you ever wondered what Hillary Clinton would look like if she were a dancing Mexican midget crossdresser? Good. This is for you:

La Pequeña Hillary Clinton

There is no longer a need to get Maury involved, you can find out at home with a new over-the-counter DNA kit:

Who’s Your Daddy?

I don’t like needles… it remains to be seen if I will now develop a fear of swabs:

Scientists have documented over 1000 proteins in spit

My birthday isn’t until August, but if you just wanted to get me a, “I love your blog, you bring me such joy on a daily basis so I wanted to get you a gift,” gift… a case of these would be cool:

Topps Indiana Jones Trading Cards

Other than Hitchhiker’s Guide, and one of the Dune books, I’ve actually never touched any of these series. I’m not a huge Sci-Fi person, but for those of you who are, this is a good launch pad for you:

Top 15 Science Fiction Book Series

How proud I am of my alma mater… we’re number 3! Not so much with the sports any more, but we rank where it counts… hotness:

Top 50 Universities Ranked by Looks

I’m sure no one I know will even get this humor, but sadly I know or have known people who fit into these categories… even though… you know… I don’t play video games…:

7 Hated gamer types

LOTD
Every once in a great while a list comes along that really makes me think about my childhood and why I am who I am. I was a Saturday morning cartoon junkie until I was about 17 and only then I stopped watching because Saturday morning cartoons had all but disappeared. I still mourn the loss of footie pajama mornings where I would sit in front of the tv eating Captain Crunch and watching Bionic Six, Darkwing Duck, and yes… Shirt Tales… I watched it… so what?:

10 Most Child warping Moments of 80s Cartoons

As a native of New Orleans I am passing along some sad news. Perhaps our biggest local celebrity, Al Copeland, passed away on Sunday. Al was the founder of Popeye’s chicken. He since opened several fine dining restaurants in the city but the nation knows him for his chicken chain. I will remember him for several years of fond childhood Xmas memories. He had a house with a huge lawn that every year he decorated with 30 foot high electric snowmen and reindeer, we would drive over and get in the line to circle his house in the car and gawk at the extravaganza. Perhaps tonight I will stop and get a buttermilk biscuit and think of him.

I am absolutely astounded at this… if today was April 1st I would throw the shenanigans flag and walk away with a smile… but apparently this is for real and might just be the most amazing thing I have ever read:

The human body capable of regeneration (with the use of pig bladders!?!?)

There is one book in particular on this list that several friends have read and truly do believe in… I think it’s utter bullshit, but I also believe that if it gives them strength and a positive outlook, good for them. It’s just not for me. I will however continue to laugh behind their backs:

8 Self-help books that will do nothing of the sort

Someone have kids so I can get them this thing and then come over and play with it:

Cardboard Cubby

Here’s a phrase I never thought I’d see, “toilet paper algorithms.”:

How do you use your TP?

When you are talking about a design school in the Netherlands, some of the stuff is going to be ‘out there,’ but I really want the lamp that knits its own shade:

Design Academy Exhibit

I posted a clip yesterday from Jackie Chan’s upcoming film… this list is the reason why I will probably go see just about anything he does:

Top 10 Jackie Chan Stunts

An odd idea for a project, probably wouldn’t work in my neighborhood as I would either wind up with 24 pictures of some guys junk or not have a camera after about 5 minutes:

Stranger photos have happened

Star Wars isn’t really one of my favorite things. It’s like Stones vs. Beatles with Trek vs. Wars. The only difference being… I don’t really feel passionate about either. I will however continue to find things like this and post them because it’s the internet. There will never be a dearth of Star Wars related material on the inter tubes:

10 Best Star Wars related videos

I have owned the musical film Reefer Madness for quite sometime… I just haven’t gotten around to watching it… tonight I will go home and rip my apartment to pieces to find it… I had no idea it was this good… and by this good I mean, I didn’t know Kristen Bell wore a dominatrix outfit… I just made my own day:

It says a lot when you think, “You know, sticking a lemon into your hoo haa is a pretty sane and rational way to prevent pregnancy… comparatively.”:

10 Terrifying forms of contraception through history

I scored 8 out of 11, I guess that makes me a connoisseur:

Cleavage or ass crack

Not included in this list… practicing zen calligraphy on your face with a razor:

6 Ways to get street cred without breaking the law

I knew there would be a second coming… but… heaven must’ve f*&’ed up some paperwork, because this is not what I was expecting. I thought he might take a different form, a flamingo, a daschund, an asian woman… but a cheeto? :

All hail Cheesus

So that was Easter

March 24, 2008

Spent a good portion of the weekend under the weather… too cold to really go anywhere anyway… couldn’t do the improv show Saturday night. On the positive and awww-inducing side of things, I witnessed something on Easter that I don’t think many people get to see… baby pigeons. They always seem to just appear out of the ether, fully formed winged rats. Brunch was the meal of the day for most of the weekend and bed was the location of choice.

Just saw John Cleese on my way to work. He came walking out of a building 10 feet in front of me. He is one of those celebrities I would normally have felt the need to gush to… but I just went slack jawed. Firstly, I think he’s a genius, secondly, the guy is like 6’5″ the intimidation factor was too high. So, John, if you’re reading this, sorry I didn’t say hi.

Because I’m in a religious mood from the weekends happenings, I thought this would be fitting and I think some of them are pretty amazing in their own right:

50 Parodies of Da Vinci’s Last Supper

A radio station in Toronto of all places got ahold of a message a guy in Texas left for his buddy wherein he witnesses an accident… warning: he laughs loud and hard, but so would you if you were watching what he was watching:

Play by play of an accident

The batmobile cost a dollar!*&%#! That’s crazy talk:

5 Kitschy facts about Batman the TV series

Considering I can’t even go into a dark bathroom and say Candyman five times without getting creeped out I admire this guys balls:

Atheist anchor volunteers to be killed by magic

I was very excited as a child when I got the game MouseTrap, the commercials for it made it seem like this amazing Rube Goldberg game with a little guy hitting trip wires and running from boulders… turned out it was a game that was 90% set up and 10% actual enjoyment:

9 Most misleading toy commercials from the 80s

As an Olympic sport it has always seemed as arbitrary to me as freestyle walking:

The joys of synchronized swimming

As always, some eerily accurate, “Employers deposit salary checks directly into their employees’ accounts.” and some sadly inaccurate, “Heart disease has virtually been eliminated by drugs and diet.”:

1968 Predictions for 2008

My questionable link of the day goes to one of these naughty links that I occasionally post, if only because this one refers to Maggie Gyllenhaal’s breasts as her, “chest meat.”:

Top 10 Topless hooker scenes in film

With the election coverage coming to a mind-blowing crescendo it’s good to remind people that it could be worse, and that stupid people vote:

5 Certifiably insane politicians people still voted for

Speaking of crazy people and the election… Obama girl was hot, stylish, she even got a cameo on SNL… these ladies…well you’ll see… it might turn the election… once word gets out that you can wash your face with John McCain… it’s over:

The ‘hug shirt’ is a harbinger of the horribly beautifully disturbingly pleasurable things to come:

The World’s Most Elaborate Sex toys

Finally, someone has broken down the greatest arm wrestling movie of all time:

In depth analysis of Over the Top

It’s a better idea than it sounds, trust me:

Washing machine toilet

When I first heard that Jet Li and Jackie Chan were doing a movie together I was ecstatic. Then I heard the kid from Sky High was the lead and that the movie was geared for a young audience. I wept. Then I watched Sky High which as it turns out isn’t a bad movie at all, in fact it’s pretty good. Now I see this clip and I think I may give Forbidden Kingdom a shot:

Good Morning Robin

March 21, 2008

The subject line is for my friend Robin who lives in Texas who sent me an email to let me know that my blog is now her homepage. Yay. See, part of the reason I moved from myspace (where I was reaching my 200th post and 35,000th view by the way) was because to be considered seriously for a ‘blogging job,’ you can’t be just on myspace. If I get enough views per day and all that stuff, I can start selling advertising, maybe get hired by a bigger blog… hell, maybe Huffington needs me. Then I can do this on my own time, get paid for it, go on auditions, win an Oscar, and thank all of you in my acceptance speech. Won’t that be cool?! So if you see something you like on here don’t just pass the one link on to your friends, pass the link for the blog itself along, tell them to bookmark it and visit every day. Help me get out of this horrid day job and maybe you’ll get a shout out in an Oscar speech. That’s a good trade off right?

I still haven’t watched Lost from last night, I have it DVR’d but I’m already lamenting the idea that I won’t have another new episode until April 24th. That’s really sad… I have so much else going on in my life right now, I hate that I care that much about a TV show. I guess that’s partly why I am an actor. It amazes me that ‘entertainment,’ can be so much to me. I remember getting to the last Buffy DVD and thinking… this is it.. no more new Buffy. I mourned.

I’ve also become re-obsessed with South Park… at some point I stopped caring and watching and then I came back and I gotta say, some episodes are so brilliant it’s painful. There was a recent episode where they found the cure for AIDS, I won’t ruin it for those of you who haven’t seen it… and if you haven’t… guess what… you can watch any episode here for free:

South Park Studios

I love Charles Bukowski a lot, but I am afraid someone else is in the running for greatest poet of all time. If you are at work, around children, or care at all about your mortal soul, you probably don’t want to hear this poem. For those brave enough… I present to you… Tyree:

It’s nice to see stories like this, normally we’re being inundated with information about the 1000s of animals our children will never see because we’ve ruined their habitats. Well, you know what? My grand parents missed some stuff too:

New species discovered so far this month

I’m a little embarrassed at how intrigued I am by this kinda stuff:

Extreme close-up of a ziploc bag

Ah, Family Guy, the only place where a homosexual child predator is hilarious:

The Best of Herbert

In reality I know this is no more than a google image search, but you can find more ecclectic and/or private shots with this search engine through all of flickr:

Compfight

Clearly I want the high fidelity canopy bed, if I get on though I run the risk of giving up on life completely and just allowing my limbs to atrophie while intravenously being fed liquefied cheese doodles… you know like Britney Spears. [rimshot]:

Modern beds

“and arms can’t do feel good got harm hey hold i in knew know like love me my nice no now so spice sugar that when whoa whoa-oa-oa won’t would wrong you.” No… not a typo, that’s the words to a song that I know you’ve heard, except they’re put in alphabetical order, find more in this quiz (and discover as I did, some songs are more meaningful in alphabetical order):

Great Lyrics Quiz

I’ve said before that I want the fish bowl toilet, but now I think I may need the feces scale… for science… :

Unnecessary bathroom accessories

Oddly cool. There are strange things that I’m passionate about, so it shouldn’t surprise me that some people can really think it’s really all about the typography:

Famous scenes from cinema using only typography and sound

Now that we’re in the middle of March madness… which will extend through April this year… I’m way too late to fill out a bracket… not that I would have been doing anything other that picking the ones with the silliest mascot. For those of you that did… beware:

6 People who will ruin your NCAA pool

Or the more scientific way to fill one out… whichever school has the hottest women… which from the looks of this list, I may pick UT Arlington to go all the way:

NCAA Babes of the Bottom Bracket

This would be way more convienient if it were more than one per page… but even so I skipped ahead to the top 10 and damned if they weren’t all horribly offensive:

50 Most Controversial Album Covers of all time

I watched Enchanted finally last night. Eh. It was cute I guess. I’m now committed to doing the next Dare project. It’s on April 2nd. My play is still shopping for a director, the one I wrote that is. I will be in Dan Schultz’s Choose Your Own Adventure play. I am also doing the late night show at the Laugh Factory on Saturday night @ 11pm. I have 3 birthday parties to go to this weekend, rehearsals for 3 different shows and I plan on sleeping at some point. Silly me. Tonight? I have to look at some re-writes of my play, start learning lines and watch Lost. Maybe even play a little Lost. I got the video game in the mail from game fly… it’s more confusing than the show. Speaking of confusing… and shows… what the &^%* is the deal people?! What was Carly Smithson doing in the bottom 3 on American Idol? I had finally come to terms with the fact that my KLC was about to go AWOL… look I’ll get belligerent, but no I don’t actually call in and vote… that would be totally gay.

Based on the stupidity of America as a whole… this guy could actually have a strong campaign:

Viral video presidential candidate

Having seen 89 of these, I believe I am well on my way to achieving this goal. A goal I will also reach? Having no life whatsoever:

100 Movies Every Guy Should See

Thank god… you know I’ve avoided trying cocaine all this time just because I hate the taste of asprin… finally a coke we all can enjoy!:

Strawberry ‘flavored’ cocaine

As it turns out, if you edit together a lot of clips of people hurting themselves from America’s Funniest Home Videos and overlay a trance soundtrack on it and run it all a little slower than normal… it’s hilarious again. The woman nearer the end who rolls down the bouncy slide while flashing her undies and crushing children just about made me pee:

People gettin’ hurt compilation

The greatest list ever! I am still partial to Anya and Hayley… but I may have some new favorites now… not that I even watch the show. Maybe when they take it on the road and in Bulgaria, the government forces them to do it topless. Then I’m totally DVR’ing that action:

The Women of Deal or No Deal

I disagree Emmitt… I think the Packers do ‘has’ a running game:

The wisdom of Emmitt Smith

Dude… I posted a video of this thing in it’s earlier stages almost a year ago… the technology has advanced and it creeps me out even more… :

I’m still waiting for Tailor of Panama 2!:

Movie Sequels that came out waaaaaay too late

Way cooler than you would think. Not that I’d want to be there to watch one live… but I’d imagine my last thoughts would be, “That’s f*&^in’ beautiful.” Followed by, “I’m totally melting.”:

Nuclear Explosions

I would like to add certain brands of hair gel, and wallet chains to this list, I would also like to remove truck testicles from the list on the grounds that I think they are hilarious and a good way to find the Wal-mart. (ie. follow the guy with balls on his truck):

10 Items only douchebags buy

Saw Forbidden Broadway last night. My friend Kristen is in the show this week in New York, and goes to Miami for 5 weeks after this run. If you can see it this week, go. Or if you’re in Miami go in the next month. She’s wicked awesome. I had a lot more fun than I thought at the show, considering it’s a lot of ‘inside’ Broadway jokes. I got a lot more of the gags than I thought I would despite the fact I hadn’t even seen half the shows they were making fun of.

Afterwards I stopped by a bar for a birthday party and I was reminded how much I hate the particular bar I went to and swore again to never go to that bar. I’ll probably be there next week. Stupid friends insisting on hanging out at a bar I dislike!

Given my joy for all things bacon… this was brought to my attention yesterday and I can’t help but think they’ve gone too far:

Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers

I’ve seen the future, and it is awesome:

Virtual Girlfriend

The first movie not involving a Marvel Character or Indiana Jones that I am excited about finally has a trailer… Tropic Thunder:

Speaking of comics… sometimes celebrities get their own comics (ie. I own every issue of ALF) other times they just make truly bizarre cameos:

5 Strangest Celebrity Comic Book Cameos

I’ve seen the baby Jesus butt plug before. Not up close or anything. I mean, I’ve heard tell of it. Is that even a phrase? Anyway, he of course makes this list, but so does my new favorite thing to say, “rubber fisting mitten.” Say it 5 times fast and try not to smile:

25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys

In my defense, it was a long flight, I was bore, she was hot, you do the math:

Man rubs one out onto sleeping woman on plane

There are way more than 10 but if you have to narrow it down… these are good choices I guess:

The most racist moments in television

Easter will be here soon… what better way to celebrate the rising of Christ from the dead than with dioramas of sugar covered marshmallow:

It’s Peep-tacular

When this stuff happens it usually winds up being better than the game itself:

10 Best Mascot Fights

First of the New Regime

March 18, 2008

My good friend Tim pointed out to me that MySpace has begun warning you every time you click a link on my blog. “Hey there! MySpace here! Just letting you know that you are navigating away from MySpace.” That’s kind of really a little more than slightly very annoying. I had no idea, I don’t read my own blog. I put it there. I know what’s there. So for all of you that are making the journey with me from there to here. Welcome, hopefully this will be a more pleasant experience.

As for the title, “Reversible Panda,” it just sprung up from the ether and I thought it was interesting enough to be memorable. It’s cute and it sounds like it might be a little dirty. It would be at home on a list of deviant sexual behaviors, like Donkey Punch, Angry Dragon, Reversible Panda. You’d also be comfortable with it in the crib with your baby, “Simon, it’s time for beddie bye, here’s your reversible panda.” For a while I will continue to post a link from the old blog to here, but you might do well to go ahead and bookmark this sucker so you don’t lose it. Without further adieu, or is it ado… it’s probably ado… that makes more sense… without further ado… on to the silliness.

Someone better keep an eye on this guy, if he trains an army of these, we’re all in trouble:

Karate Monkey

There is nothing funny about alcoholism unless you’re talking about alcoholic animals, then it’s just plain adorable:

50 Animals with drinking problems

Speaking of drinking problems… how about combining your drinking with your unhealthy snacking? In all seriousness, these do look pretty good:

Beer cupcakes

Keeping with the same theme… I love the planet and everything but when your social eco-consciousness encroaches on your drinking it’s time to un-dred your hair, and wash off the patchouli:

360 Vodka

I must’ve pleased a god or something. Yesterday I posted a woman whacking her head on a stripper pole. And now this:

Stripper accident number 2

It’s day one on the new blog and I’ve already posted a stripper clip, why stop there with the questionable content? Hell, wikipedia is well respected and they have this:

Fingering

Don’t get me wrong… Chuck Norris is a bad ass… but I never understood why he was chosen for the career resurgence as an ironic icon… or “ironicon.” (I just coined that term, copyright, “me,” date, “today.”) Charles Bronson clearly was poised for that sort of thing what with fishing with his bare hands (or ‘bear’ hands) and advertising a Japanese deodorant called, “Mandom.” (I am aware there were way too many quotes and parentheticals in this description, it won’t happen again, I, “promise.”)

It hurts to put up a list like this… because he is my hero, but the guy’s got a couple of good points:

11 Reasons AC Slater was a Sissified Pansy

It’s odd to hear such truth in an R&B song. Well, truth for most guys… not me… I relate more to the works of Color Me Badd:

Honest R&B

I’ve been told by some of my female friends that these aren’t their favorite links… I still put them here because of the other female friends who say these are their favorite lists. So hot… so very hot:

Top 10 women and whipped cream clips