All the news that’s fit to shove in my face

March 26, 2008

This has to be complained about again. Metro and AM New York, free newspapers here in the metropolitan area. We know you exist! If we want you, we can go and pick you up, we know where to find you. I don’t want to cost people jobs or anything, but for f*&% sake! When there is a mob of people trying to get up and down stairs to the subway, we do not need 2 people blocking the entrance shouting, “Free news, free news, something good to read while you’re on the train.” It causes congestion and I refuse to take a paper from these people, they’re always shoving it in my path as if to say, “take this so you can get by.”

In other news… I made a new banner at the top of the page… found that adorable picture and played with it in picture editor to make it all the more hilarious while Fred played Wii tennis behind me occasionally giving me pointers. What do you think? Adorable right? I know.

One thing that the internet provides is endless evidence of human stupidity. If I’m going to do kata based on the movement of a lion. I would prefer to do it away from a lion and perhaps have it photoshopped in later. I would not do my kata in front of said lion, especially if said lion was being restrained with a dog leash:

Woman vs. 400 pound lion

I am often disheartened when I get my groceries home and rip open the package only to find that what I am about to shove into my gob looks nothing like what I thought it would. Thankfully this man has a side by side comparison of several foods pictured next to the photograph on the carton. Especially disturbing is what I believe to be ‘rice pudding’:

Advertising vs. Reality

Have you ever wondered which was the most destructive or terrifying fictional evil robot? Me neither, this guy however has put quite a bit of time into it:

Earth vs. Evil Robots

While I most definitely do not condone the inclusion of pandas as the #1 animal on this list (I have several photos on the myspace blog to contradict their main bullet point), I must say that I will have nightmares about at least two of the things on this list:

Creepy Animals vs. Extinction

Okay enough with the versus stuff… have you ever wondered what Hillary Clinton would look like if she were a dancing Mexican midget crossdresser? Good. This is for you:

La Pequeña Hillary Clinton

There is no longer a need to get Maury involved, you can find out at home with a new over-the-counter DNA kit:

Who’s Your Daddy?

I don’t like needles… it remains to be seen if I will now develop a fear of swabs:

Scientists have documented over 1000 proteins in spit

My birthday isn’t until August, but if you just wanted to get me a, “I love your blog, you bring me such joy on a daily basis so I wanted to get you a gift,” gift… a case of these would be cool:

Topps Indiana Jones Trading Cards

Other than Hitchhiker’s Guide, and one of the Dune books, I’ve actually never touched any of these series. I’m not a huge Sci-Fi person, but for those of you who are, this is a good launch pad for you:

Top 15 Science Fiction Book Series

How proud I am of my alma mater… we’re number 3! Not so much with the sports any more, but we rank where it counts… hotness:

Top 50 Universities Ranked by Looks

I’m sure no one I know will even get this humor, but sadly I know or have known people who fit into these categories… even though… you know… I don’t play video games…:

7 Hated gamer types

Every once in a great while a list comes along that really makes me think about my childhood and why I am who I am. I was a Saturday morning cartoon junkie until I was about 17 and only then I stopped watching because Saturday morning cartoons had all but disappeared. I still mourn the loss of footie pajama mornings where I would sit in front of the tv eating Captain Crunch and watching Bionic Six, Darkwing Duck, and yes… Shirt Tales… I watched it… so what?:

10 Most Child warping Moments of 80s Cartoons


4 Responses to “All the news that’s fit to shove in my face”

  1. Chris Harbur said

    Yo Buddy!

    Love the blog man. Really funny shit, and watching some of those delightfully disturbing cartoons brings me back to my whinnie the pooh padded footie days when my mother loved to get my little fella ripped into the zipper each night.

    See ya at rehearsal Friday? Naaaaaa.



  2. take a guess. said

    Footie pajamas were the best.
    had a pair of yellow ones that I never wanted to take off so for halloween I was a puppy and wore my footie pjs.

  3. Tara said

    And you KNOW I have to throw out a shout out about the #1 hottest school – A-S-U! A-S-U! A-S-U! WAIT! While I attended, it was the #1 party school. After I leave, it becomes the #1 hottest school. Hmmm…..

  4. Tim said

    I’m amazed how, through voiceover, she manages to make getting attacked by a 400 lb. lion the most boring thing I’ve ever witnessed. Amazing.

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