Hungover

April 18, 2008

Few things to discuss… firstly I am very hungover. Did the Catered Affair opening night party last night. A good time was had by all. Kathy Lee Gifford touched my elbow and my crush on Rachel Dratch is a little bigger than it was previously. I am just glad I put the links together yesterday so I don’t have to do that right now and you guys still get your weekend fix.

Secondly… maybe it’s just because of my current state but I was way too excited this morning to get breakfast at McDonalds… and my excitement just about propelled me into the stratosphere when I noticed that Mickey D’s now sells a southern style chicken biscuit for breakfast. It’s not Chic-Fil-A but it’s damn close. If there is anyone hear in NY with the kind of scratch to open a Chic-Fil-A franchise in NY… do it. You’d have Sundays off, and you’d make a killing! Hell, just my purchases would keep you afloat.

Thirdly… this compare friends application on Facebook is evil… they send you little updates to let you know where you stand. I deleted it once but re-added it because I wanted to vote for my girlfriend as hottest, and smartest. Well… I don’t know how long I can keep it installed because it’s not great to start your day with such self-esteem crushing emails such as:

“Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:
smartest
most tech-savvy
nicest smelling
most cuddly

WEAKNESSES:
craziest
most confident

* you were voted ‘better at science’ than Sydnie Grosberg Ronga”

I don’t even know who Sydnie is… but I’m glad I’m better at ‘science.’ I guess being weak in the craziest category is a good thing… but… smartest? most tech-savvy? nicest smelling? most cuddly? So I’m a fat nerd who wears perfume? What the hell people? Are you supposed to be my friends or what? Vote for me for sexiest, person you’d most want to make out with, person you’d most want to ‘do.’ That’s where the real glory lies… shallow traits!

I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that if you get pulled over under suspicion of DUI, before the alphabet, before touching your nose, before the breathalizer… if you do this… you’re going to jail, it’s the only thing worse than pissing ‘off’ the cops:

Pissing ‘on’ the cops

All violence in mainstream entertainment makes me giggle like a school girl… but I’m an odd duck… these however are fodder that anyone can enjoy:

10 Acts of brutal violence that will make you laugh

Fact is… I’m not that much of an odd duck… there are perfectly rational explanations as to why I enjoy stuff like that without having to vivisect small animals:

Five reasons to watch movies that hurt you haunt you and make you want to vomit

Why had we not thought of checking here before… seriously… didn’t you see Lake Placid… those things are unstoppable:

Antibiotic properties of alligator blood being studied

I wonder if there is a chapter on Mommy’s low self-esteem and Daddy’s waning interest in sex:

Children’s book about Mommy’s plastic surgery

Holy crap!:

In case you are absolutely retarded… I just wanted you to know that the clip above was made as an April Fools Day joke by the BBC… those guys kick ass at that sort of thing.

These are all obnoxious for different reasons, some because they are bigger than any one person, or indeed multi-generational family would need, and some just cus they’re tacky:

9 Obnoxious Celebrity Homes

When Steve Martin is not acting he must always have a pen in hand because he is constantly writing. Even little pieces for Chicago newspapers:

Steve Martin’s Bad Neighbor Diary

I don’t play a lot of online games… (I’m not counting Xbox Live dues to the non-inclusion of texting) but what I have played this seems pretty hilariously accurate:

If WWII had been fought online

As far as I’m concerned… this is a pretty good list, though I am a Bourbon drinker so that by proxy is the manliest drink of all… one issue… no matter what they say, having a pink drink at the top of this list cannot be justified… it’s gotta go:

10 Manliest Drinks

I personally would hope I was wearing one of those tuxedo t-shirts… you know… to keep it classy:

Top 10 shirts to be arrested in

I figure by now we’ve all seen the amazing opera singer guy and the little chorus boy from Britain’s Got Talent. America’s got talent has guys who play the spoons and quick change artists. We suck. We’re not even awesome on the same level as Holland who at least has hot chicks with really really hot tattoos:

Holland’s Got Strippers

They’re not the Post but CNN does sometimes have really poorly constructed headlines, this guy has taken notice of some of the good ones:

Illustrated CNN headlines

Ladies and gentleman… I have no words… I leave you this so that you may repeatedly watch it over the weekend… These are Japanese people (some in black face) impersonating the entire cast of We Are the World (pay special attention to the ooo’s and ahh’s each singer garners due to what I assume is the perceived uncanniness of their impression):

I’m going to see the Kids in the Hall Live tonight… bachelor party tomorrow… I’m doing an improv show Sunday night and working tech at the comedy club on Monday.

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6 Responses to “Hungover”

  1. Tim said

    In fact, McDonalds also offers a post-breakfast chick-fil-a ripoff known as the “Southern Style Chicken Sandwich.” I tried one the other day and called my sister to tell her that I was angered by how it seemed as though they had taken a chick-fil-a, frozen it for 10 months, defrosted it, threw it in a microwave, pooped on it, ate it, puked it up, formed the puke into the shape of a chick-fil-a and then served it to me. We had a good laugh. But then yesterday, I thought I’d try a different McDonalds, because (at least in L.A.) quality can greatly vary between them and if there was just the slightest chance that I could enjoy that buttery-sweet, pickletastic goodness without driving 40 miles to the nearest Chick-Fil-A, my life might finally have purpose. So I went to this different McDonalds Restaurant, ordered the imposter, and prepared for supreme disappointment. I steadied myself and took a bite — and I must say I WAS SHOCKED; for this second McDonalds Restaurant had done the impossible: they had **almost** perfectly duplicated the chick-fil-a! I know. It sounds like madness. BUT IT’S TRUE. Of course, no one will ever successfully rip off this giant of giants in the chickensandwichverse, but it’s remarkable that such a reasonable facsimile could be born of the loins of such a slutty toilet-whore as one Mickey D.

    I wish you all a pickly, buttery, chickeny day.

    -t

  2. Panda said

    Yay! I got a vote for hottest! It’s kind of silly how happy I am for that. Dude, I totally agree with the self-esteem bashing of that application. I don’t actually know how it works, or how to use it. But I know that I never rank above #26 in anything. But what does that mean??? I don’t understand. Prescott is at the top of everything. And what really hurts is that his facebook picture has me in it, so I see it, and I go…YES I’ve finally made it. But the truth always surfaces, and I’m left to go draw graffiti.

  3. sweet tea said

    There is a chic-fil-a
    It might be only affiliated with NYU though.. Its right by washington sq. park. It was opened after I dropped out the first time which makes me annoyed because those who were there totally did not understand how amazing it is…. ah the south.. where fast food places close down on sunday…

  4. erik said

    so, i joined that compare friends thing and all people do is tell me that they wouldn’t date me. i feel you, brother. i have no votes for ‘better body’ or ‘hottest’ or anything positive at all, really. just ‘can drink more’ and a couple ‘am more jealous of’, which does feel kind of good, in a ‘fuck off’ kind of way. but i have 9 ‘no’ votes to 1 ‘yes’ vote on ‘would date erik.’ sniffle, cry, fetal, single-tear-down-downstage-cheek…

  5. erik said

    actually, i’ve taken the application off, now, as it got to 32 ‘no’ votes about ‘would date erik’, while it stayed on 1 ‘yes’ vote. and that was my friend kate, who is married but would throw me a date if she wasn’t. don’t need that kind of build-up from my friends. wow, i’m so back in junior high, short, fat, and ugly. sigh…

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