Macht Nicht

May 12, 2008

I tried to be very thorough with my summer movie analysis last Friday and I thought it was a topic that would bring me a lot of traffic… not so much… but, macht nicht… I’m still figuring this whole internet thing out. I keep assuming that if I get enough traffic, I’ll get some lucrative blogging job but that’s not really how it works anyway. I’m focusing more on the little things. Such as… and this is going to sound weird…

I was drinking my coffee this morning and it was extremely hot so I took the lid off my little cardboard deli cup… so as to widen the surface area exposed to the air to expedite the cooling process. I found that coffee is somehow more enjoyable when drinking it sans lid in a cardboard cup. There is something girtty about it… I’m not talking about the mouthfeel, I mean in a film noir-y way. The positioning of your hand, the feel of the cardboard, the fluidity of the sip, and even the dull sound placing the cup back onto your desk. I urge you all to try it. It’s a religious experience for me.

If I didn’t know any better I would think this was an actual transcript:

This election is just like a football game

I never had a cheerleader fetish. I guess in high school I just figured they were out of my league anyway so I never paid attention:

10 Celebrity Cheerleaders

Do you ever wonder what celebrities would look like if they weren’t celebrities, if they were just average people who weren’t pampered and slathered in 400 dollar lotion? (Warning: Scarlett Johanssen looks creepily natural as a nobody):

Celebrities as non-celebrities

Most of the time when someone covers a song, it’s usually greatly inferior to the original with a few notable exceptions, Tina Turner’s cover of CCR’s Proud Mary, Gary Jules’ cover of Tears for Fears’ Mad World, Jeff Buckley’s cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, and Guns n’ Roses’ cover of Bob Dylan’s Knocking on Heaven’s Door:

101 Stairways to Heaven

I used to collect comics… I still have boxes upon boxes of them at home… I don’t think my parents ever realized how much they were laced with incest, bestiality, and just plain weirdness:

6 Creepiest comic characters of all time

One man killing machine John Rambo has finally succeeded in killing everyone… everyone… but there is still work to do:

Rambo: No Blood

Yesterday was mother’s day… I hope you all remembered to at least call and say hi. In honor of that, here is a mother themed list:

12 Sitcom Moms you’d never have sex with

As a trade off I now present you with the real NBA playoffs… which team will prevail?:

2008 NBA Playoff dancers

I’m a guy… so I like the Simpsons… this goes beyond anything I ever wanted to see… I’ve never done acid… but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like:

I’m a guy… so I like bacon… this goes beyond anything I ever wanted to see… I’ve never had a heart attack… but I’m pretty sure this is what it looks like:

Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon… cheeseburger

I’ve done quite a number of these things… but by gum I refuse to learn how to tie a bow tie! And… even though my jump shot in pool was an accident… I’m still counting it:

75 Things every man should be able to do

It’s not as good as the original Sad Kermit singing, “Hurt,”… but Elliott Smith’s, “Needle in the Hay,” was a good choice for his next video:

There was only one rule… don’t drink the kool-aid:

Undercover atheist at an evangelical megachurch

I never invested in that NYC guidebook for residents… but it seems to me there are some very cool secrets all around the city:

50 New York places the guidebooks won’t tell you about

None of these go as far as I would like them to go… but then again I guess that’s the whole point. That’s why they call it a strip “tease.”:

10 Hot Celebrity Stripteases

FHM has released its hottest women of 2008. Perplexingly Britney Spears kicks it off at #100, but I promise it gets better from there:

Hottest women of 2008


4 Responses to “Macht Nicht”

  1. Provider said

    Ehhh, you probably didn’t get the traffic because it was the weekend

  2. erik said

    girls just wanna have fun: south jersey seashore lifeguard convention band

    ice cream man (tom waits): van halen

    twist and shout (isley bros): the beatles

    heard it through the grapevine (marvin gaye): ccr

    jersey girl (tom waits): bruce springsteen

    ol’ 55 (tom waits): the eagles

    i agree that most covers are vastly inferior, but there are a lot of terrific ones (janis joplins ‘me and bobby mcgee’ and willie nelson’s version of ‘hallelujah’ also come to mind, though i agree with all on your list, as well…).

  3. Tim said

    You’ll be appreciated in death.

  4. Lando said

    So I’ve been a creeper and I check out your blog ever so often. That Sad Kermit one really hit the spot, I don’t know if that says much of my character or not. Hope all’s well.

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