Why worry? Hire an intern.

May 14, 2008

What shall I ruminate on today? Last night I saw some people who I hadn’t seen in a long time. One person whom I have very fond memories of looked at me with awe and said, “Oh my God, you look so different! What did you do?” My response was an honest and earnest, “I aged 10 years.” Thankfully this was seen as a good thing which makes me re-think my entire self-image in college. I also saw the lovely Russian woman who first suggested I read, “The Eyre Affair,” by Jasper Fforde. I am forever indebted to her for introducing me to my favorite writer and spent some time picking her brain for more literary suggestions. The event at which all of this occurred was the birthday party for my friend Miranda, one of the most amazing women I know who I realized last night I need to spend more time with. We all need to find time for the amazing people in our lives. Unfortunately a lot of times we can’t find time for ourselves. Which is why I may follow my friend Tanya’s path and put an ad on Craigslist for an intern. She’s not gonna pay the dude, she’s not offering college credit. She does have connections in the entertainment industry and that’s what she will provide. In return for the intros he will run errands for her and research things for her a few hours a week. Nice deal. So here’s what I’m offering… I’ll totally hang out and show you how to beat certain boards of Super Mario Bros. (the original), in return you will go to my job everyday dressed in an elaborate “me” costume. Good deal right?

My little brother went and rode the new Simpsons ride this past weekend. I am jealous. I don’t know when I’ll get down there to ride it myself… so I cheated… and who knows how long this will stay up but I found shaky hidden camera POV footage of the ride… SPOILER ALERT… so don’t watch this if you want to be completely surprised by the ride… if you are impatient like me here it is… (AND pandas have a role!!):

Someone… please… stop this from happening. Damn it Hollywood! Stop raping my childhood!:

Fraggle Rock movie gets green light

At least that’s a semi-original idea. Hollywood has been cranking out shitty threequels for quite sometime:

The good, the bad, and the ugly of the Hollywood 3’s

Your child may never see a live racoon, or armadillo… but they will almost definitely see one of them flattened on the side of the road during a car trip. Preparedness is key:

Plush roadkill toys

This guy Thomas Disch has a book coming out called, “The Word of God.” How does he know what the word of God is? He’s recently revealed himself as God. You can even go to his forum and ask him a question:

Ask God… or Tom Disch

I have to go back to that bar here in NYC that has the bacon bourbon… the best drink I’ve ever had in my life:

Strange bacon related products

Oddly enough this wasn’t included in that list… mmm… meatwater:

Dinner in a bottle

I would never ask that anyone sit through a TV movie about Anna Nicole Smith… but I will say that when condensed to 7 minutes and separated into thematic elements it becomes surprisingly palatable and hilarious:

I really don’t want Jay Leno to retire, not that I’ve watched his show more than twice in the past 5 years, but if he stays, Conan doesn’t leave New York, and Jimmy Fallon doesn’t get a talk show. The only thing I really like about Leno is headlines (though Conan’s “real” newspaper ads trump it):

20 Best Tonight Show Headlines

It’s not quite as popular as wikipedia … yet… give it time, there’s good information there:

Dickipedia

In case you are a newcomer to my blog or you haven’t been paying attention… I’m a little in love with Giada De Laurentiis, not only does she make this list, but someone made a video showcasing her… God Bless that person:

6 Most gratuitously cleavaged women on TV

I’ve been to a Pentacostal mass… once… it wasn’t half as exciting as this:

What do church and farm animal panties have to do with each other?

In a bizarre mash-up of the topics in the above article:

A tribute to animal balls

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