Who loves ya baby?

I’m afraid I’m in one of those introspective thinking about aspects of life moods… so if you hate it when I wax philosophical just skip down to the silly shit.

I went through a phase in college where I was obsessed with Nietzsche. When I get in these moods I still think about his, Beyond Good and Evil. I’m well aware that it is ridiculously pompous and erudite to reference it… but sorry that’s where I am now. Humans are capable of inflicting such damages upon each other while at the same time can bestow great benefits. Is altruism always the first choice? Of course not, we all know some evil sonsabitches. We’re all wandering through this world looking for validation and the people that give it to us are the people we gravitate towards. The greatest people… the people that we all wish we could be… those are the ones who bestow that validation without any apparent desire for benefit in return. There aren’t a lot of those… Mother Theresa… Bruce Willis in Armageddon… everyone is looking for something.

Sex and money. Those are the two big validations. If someone is willing to sleep with you, that means they find you attractive and charming and interesting and desirable. When I get paid to do comedy it’s a validation of my sense of humor, when a stripper gets paid it’s a validation of their attractiveness, when a soldier gets a medal it’s a validation of their bravery. There is a problem with all of these, because we’ve all seen unfunny comedians on television, we’ve all seen unattractive strippers who still make a living at it, and we’ve all read stories about soldiers who get medals undeservedly. So what are we to do? Human beings are an insecure lot.

It seems to me that the only thing that means anything to me are the people that I love, and that love me. Which would mean they’re biased but they also know the real me. When my close friends tell me I’m funny… it really means something, they think I’m genuinely funny. When my girlfriend tells me I’m handsome she really means it, she’s seen me look my worst and she still thinks that… much more meaningful than the girl at the bar who tells me I’m hot. Well of course I am, I spent some time getting ready, gelling the hair, wearing nice clothes, plus you’re drunk and want to get laid. My girl has seen me naked with crumbs on my chest and she still thinks I’m beautiful and she knows she’ll get laid regardless… so there is no ulterior motive.

I dunno… I was just thinking that we’d all be happier and better off if we just trusted the people closest to us. I’ve spent far too much of my life worrying about what strangers thought about me and in the career that I’ve chosen for myself that is sometimes important, but you can’t go around basing your self worth on those opinions. Those of you who are closest to me… thank you for knowing me and still thinking I’m cool… well… occasionally.

For those of you who don’t know… last year I played the tinman… as in the Wizard of Oz tinman:

Maybe that’s why I find this hysterical:

You gotta thank google for taking big brothers reins and keeping an eye on all of us at all times:

Best images captured by google street

This is weird and kinda pointless but… you have to give people credit for having some kind of skill… all I can do is eat food:

Food sculptures

There is nothing that can’t be improved by upgrading it to jet-engine power:

7 Unnecessarily jet-engine powered vehicles

Hey, we all make mistakes… but most of us don’t get paid what these guys do:

Top 10 “own goals” in sports

I’m not going to blame my lifetime cynicism completely on comic book ads but I am still a little steamed about my monkey in a teacup:

Comic book ads that taught us to be cynical

Also to blame our the promises made by cereal boxes and their prizes inside… they were never what I expected… which makes sense now that I watch as an adult what they used to pump into my head as a child… (side note: And do they still make Alphabits… that was my jam!):

10 Trippiest cereal commercials

Let’s be real… nothing will ever top more cowbell:

SNL’s best music related sketches

I used to think cell phones were the work of the devil… truth is… cell phones are actual demons sent from hell to ruin our lives… you want proof… check out the revelatory properties of a microwave:

You know what ladies… you think you’re soooooo important to us… guess what? You’re not… we can totally get by without you… just look at the cornucopia of things we can use in your absence:

Things men have been caught humping

I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this article or articles similar to it before, but it still blows my mind… I can picture a film coming out in the year 2175 about war hero George W. Bush:

11 Movies saved by historical inaccuracies