Want to see Wanted…

June 30, 2008

Jesus!!!! When the hell am I going to see Wanted?!?!?!?!!

I’ve been excited since months before the first Nolan Batman came out but the anticipation of this one is ridiculous… I will say it is interesting to read this interview which will probably be the only insight we’ll get into this performance:

Ledger on playing the Joker

I totally forgot that Kilmer has played the bat… seriously…

Batman vs. batman

Batman is nice and all but wouldn’t you rather be Propellerman: Superhero of Female Desires:

I guess this is a thing now… using video games to make your own videos:

10 Best rap videos made with The Sims

I’ve posted this before but… for those who missed it… it’s at least good filler:

Mythbusters Confirmed or Busted

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SYTYCD

June 27, 2008

For the uninformed SYTYCD stands for So You Think You Can Dance.  Watch it.  That’s all.  If I had time today I would break down how I felt about all of the routines this week… I really have issues…

My mouth is agape… First let me say… this is like some parkour kinda stuff… secondly let me say… it’s a girl that does it… just watch:

Amazing baseball catch

Forget comic books… I want bible superpowers:

Bible superpowers

Why isn’t the Steven Segal box set available in America? Because no one would buy it. Why? Because we don’t make awesome commercials like this:

Steven Segal box set

I linked earlier this month to covers from Playboy, Penthouse and even Hustler… this one is dirtier much dirtier… but… Only High Society brings you their yearly “bunghole bonanza,” and you gotta respect that:

Every cover of High Society since the 70s

This one is really just for Fred:

Baby gun

I have five minutes today so I can write a little up front… I didn’t get to talk about Tuesday night.  ABC premiered two new shows… Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Gameshow.  Apparently all the time I had been spending at ABC they had been paying special attention to my needs and desires as a viewer.   It combines my love of shows like MXC with my hatred for humans in general and my desire to watch them hurt themselves foolishly.  It was kind of brilliant.  They make no effort to hide the fact that they’ve designed obstacles not for athletes or people with any skill to be able to navigate… but obstacles designed for the simple act of making you look like an idiot and probably hurting you in the process.  Thank you ABC… thank you.

This is the best mash-up movie trailer I’ve seen since The Shining… Ferris Bueller Requiem for a Day Off:

I’m am ashamed I didn’t score perfectly on this one but with more than five minutes left there was no way I was gonna think of the white cop’s name:

How many Simpsons can you name in 10 minutes

Is it weird that the show hasn’t been on in 2 decades and the readership can’t be that high on the comic and yet the go to female costume is always wonder woman?:

50 Hottest Wonder Women

I don’t understand what’s going on with this site, my friend Randy sent it to me and said he killed a Looong time there… frankly it frightens me:

Dr.Steel

If you’re eating… put the food down… if you’re on a diet and you are trying not to eat click here right away:

Mini-me Verne Troyer has a sex tape

From that, you’ll need to clean your brain out… there is no better solution than tv without context (if I could explain this better than that I would):

Neave TV

Awesome… simply awesome:

Top 30 porn names in baseball

There is a rumor circulating that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are headed for divorce.  Up is down, hot is cold, day is night… nothing makes sense anymore!!!  It’s possible I guess that she finally realized his head looks like a potato… but I felt she had dealt with that and moved on… I guess I was wrong.  

Sorry my posts have had less personal chatting up front lately.  It turns out that when I’m not stuck at a desk all morning I have a lot fewer interesting things to say.

Sometimes after a night of drinking your memory is hazy… until one of your “good friends” tags a photo of you on facebook that you don’t remember posing for, then the memories come rushing back:

10 Drunken photos you don’t want to be a part of

This is naughty but I feel like since HBO did a documentary on the making of the book it’s classy enough for the panda:

Pornstars clothed and unclothed

I remember having some pretty stupid He-man toys… but wow… DC… what were you thinking?:

10 Stupidest Batman action figures

I’m sure when Wanted comes out this week it will end up on a list like this… until then:

7 Great bullet time moments

Do you enjoy smoking combustible materials?  Do you enjoy stimulating a clitoris?  This is the product for you:

Vagina-bong

This kid Bo Burnham kid is one of the funnier guys putting out his own videos on the internet… I’ve like a lot of his stuff but the lyrics in this one are vulgar and funny as hell:

It’s more of a public service that I link to things like this… you never know when questions like this will pop up on Family Feud:

10 (Technically 20) Largest celebrity breasts

George Carlin 1937-2008

June 24, 2008

Silence today for Mr. Carlin… he will be missed:

For those who’ve said, “A Renaissance fair would just not be neerdy enough,” I give you these:

Geek conventions that God never intended

What do you get when you cross gangsta rap with a fat Iraqi child? The proof that this war was totally necessary:

I cannot believe that I haven’t been watching Tim & Eric show on Adult Swim… I watched one episode a long time ago and I didn’t really get it… now I think they’ve found their groove because every clip I see I find to be amazing for it’s bizarreness:

10 Best celeb cameos on Tim & Eric

Everyone has to have goals in life:

Drinking achievements to accomplish before you die

The Boz not having the top spot is a crime against all that is right and true:

12 Best mullets in sports

It’s what ninjas drink out of:

Discreet flasks

Where does the time go?

June 23, 2008

Taking this new job was supposed to afford me all of this extra time to see friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time.  To do more improv shows.  To go on more auditions.

I haven’t seen anyone, I haven’t done one improv show, I haven’t been on one audition (though the last one is more of a case of me dragging my feet on getting headshots reproduced and the lack of auditions being that it is the summer slow season).     

I’ve decided once you’ve attained a certain level of fame and people know your voice, altering it in a subltle way and slurring your words just a little becomes kinda hilarious:

10 Pro tips from Dr. Brule

It’s very acceptable for men to cry… especially for these reasons:

Famous men crying

We’ve all known for quite sometime that female tennis players were hot, but they do make those hot sounds when they hit the ball to draw our attention to it… other athletes are less assuming:

10 Hottest female golfers

Following up their article that I linked to last week about superheroes who can’t get laid… in an effort to remain fair and balanced:

Superheroes who get laid a lot

Wow… I’ll soon be just like the celebrities!:

65 Famous people who filed bankruptcy

Yeah.. but they bring such joy and hope… cut ’em some slack:

Heroes who should be jailed for murder

This thing makes the leg lamp in Christmas Story look like a Winnie the Pooh nite-light:

Coochie lamp

Sorry for all the alliteration in todays title.  But seriously… Ive been bipolar since sucking down this, “Health food store,” alternative remedy for a cold.  My girl has this little bottle of offensively minty stuff with a dropper.  She puts three squirts of it into a glass of water and I foolishly drink it.  Now I’m going from feelings of violation and confusion to wanting to punch a baby because my stomach is in a knot.  Note: One of the emotions I’m not feeling is elation because my cold is gone…

Ahh… crap… I gotta go to work and make children smile.  Let’s hope that the impetus to baby-punch doesn’t strike while I’m there.

You know that scene in that movie where your favorite actress finally bares all? Yeah, that wasn’t her:

Top 10 female body doubles

I don’t often pay attention to the reviews on amazon before buying a book… but I occasionally skim through them. Some of them really are quite helpful.

Top 10 reviews of the Bible on Amazon

From the just plain weird files comes this:

Virtual Jello wiggler

And from the so creepy I’m going to loose sleep over it files, comes this, a baby laughing in slow motion:

This is probably the stupidest race idea I’ve ever seen… in terms of probability of face shattering injury this ranks far above three legged race and dizzy drunken baseball:

Teachers saran wrap race

I’ve been guilty of using my microwave in inappropriate ways… and I will say that if you put a Smores poptart in the microwave upside down for just the right amount of time.. it’s amazing!:

20 Things you shouldn’t put in microwaves… in microwaves

I’m partial to, “These pretzels are making me thirsty.”:

16 of TV’s greatest catchphrases

Wow.. really no time today.  Gotta run to work, then to a friends show… and I am fighting a really crappy sore throat.  Pray for me.

Someone please explain this to me… not baseball I get that, not Koreans, I understand them… not even Korean baseball… I get that too… but this defies explanation:

Korean baseball fight

This is the awesomest innovation in the weapon industry I’ve seen in a long time.  Imagine the look on the shark, tiger, or crackheads face when you stab them with this:

Wasp knife

Just a good list… expect Bond to stab someone with a wasp knife in the next film though:

25 Best Bond movie deaths

Since we’re on the subject… the many deaths of Kenny:

Proud to say I got all of these correct… but then again, I am a big Troy McClure fan:

Real movie or Troy mcClure joint

I can’t wait…:

5 Superpowers science will give us (in our lifetime!!! w00t!)

You know what’s awful, now that I have a day off in the middle of the week… I notice how easy it is to go shopping, walk around the neighborhood… there’s no one out.  Unfortunately… I woke up with a sore throat yesterday so I didn’t want to do much of anything.  Now I just have to pray that I’m feeling better by 430 when I start my first shift where I am all there is.  No other actor … just me providing all the entertainment… should be interesting.

About 23 seconds in you’ll wonder why no one else thought to do this to a Friday the 13th sequence before now:

I don’t remember them tackling this in Happy Feet, because if they had, children would have run screaming from the theatre:

Penguin Poo

It’s ironic that so many stars of the Sunday funny pages suffer from crippling depression:

Sunday not so funnies

This reminds me… I have to go back and watch the old Conan the Barbarian movies…

Conan’s mirage

You know… this is one area I think we can take a break… it’s pretty much where it needs to be:

Public bathroom innovations

Again, because I saw the Hulk last weekend and it turned out to be not as bad as I was expecting… more transformations… but where is the Eddie Murphy – Buddy Love change from Nutty Professor… genius I tells ya!:

Movie metamorphoses

This reminds me… I can never eat Cheetos ever again…

First weekday off

June 17, 2008

Bad news… It’s going to be very difficult to keep the blog going.  A lot of my creativity and ability to scour the internet for stupidity was a side effect of trying to maintain sanity at a shitty desk job.  It seems that since I’m not stuck at a desk for 8 hours a day… not much of a need to give my brain something to do… but i know a lot of you still have that shitty desk job mentality and you may need this escape… so I will try to keep this up as long as I can, but there will be probably be fewer links per day.  Please forgive me.  Or send me me enough money to live off of and I will dedicate myself to doing nothing but this blog.

I’m startin’ off naughty today… just in that kind mood and this is the epitome of ridiculous naughtiness.  Imagine if the power rangers were all women and the  tops of their costumes had two strategically placed holes cut into them… you would have:

Powerboobs

With great power comes great frustration:

Superheoes who can’t get laid

We all know it’s a bad idea to make Dr. Banner angry… he’s not the only one:

10 People you wouldn’t like when they’re angry

America, ameri-ca… god shed his grace on thee!

8 year old girl and an automatic weapon

For some reason Free Willy didn’t make this list:

10 Most misleadingly pornographic titles