Hiatus

July 30, 2008

To the loyal Panda readers:

I’m sorry.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I don’t have it in me anymore… I’m kinda going through a rough patch right now… I started surfing for things to put on site today and I just gave up.  I had a long night last night… lots of reflection, lots of tears…

I have to re-prioritize my life.  I love getting comments from friends and strangers alike who let me know I’ve brought a smile to their face, I appreciate it… I do.  I just don’t have the energy.  I don’t like that this has become a chore for me.

I will still post, but only once a week… that’s all the time I will allow myself.  There are other things I should be doing.  I love you all but I have to focus on other things… making people laugh is the greatest skill I have… but I need to reach a bigger audience…  I’ve been in a state of arrested creativity for a while and it’s time to jump start my ass. I can’t allow myself to be content with this, it’s not enough, I’m hungry for something more.

I will post again soon… and hopefully with a little more happiness and less frustration.

Thanks for reading.

~ C

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So long Scrabulous

July 29, 2008

It finally happened Scrabulous has been disabled for US and Canadian facebook users.  Thank god I don’t have a desk job anymore… otherwise I’d be really pissed.

I don’t have much else to talk about this morning and I’ve got lots of errands to run before work so… I’ll just post a video compilation of news slip ups that includes my favorite, “But, he’s gay… uh.. gay… blind.  He’s blind.”  Though I have to say the Black and Gus clip is pretty awesome too:

I keep saying i’m going to start saving my bellybutton lint and make a throw pillow… but I never committed for fear of being committed:

6 Terrifying items that people collect

I don’t agree with everything on this list but any list that includes Tony Jaa twice deserves to be posted especially since reports have just surfaced from the set of his new movie that he has been missing since June… please come back Tony, we miss you:

Top 6 fight scenes of the past 6 years

So many that were unnecessary when I would have given anything for my own Arvid from Head of the Class action figure:

10 Most undeserving celebrities to get action figures

When I was a teacher I used to give partial credit to creative answers like these… I’m all about thinking outside the box:

Answers to exam questions

We have to get past the idea that all babies are cute… they’re not… some are awful.. accept it:

10 ugliest celebrity babies

This is an open letter to my loved ones… I’m sorry I’ve been an absentee friend lately.  I’m still working a lot of things out… I have to leave for work in a little bit and I’m going straight from work to do an improv show tonight. Tomorrow I’m trying to get some sketch stuff in the can and then going to work… the only time I ever seem to have it’s either spent with my girl, or used for some much needed alone time… if things open up I will become more present in all your lives… I promise.

No sends letters anymore… it’s all about email… however, if some of these were actually made I would totally start hand writing more often:

Rejected stamp series

Apparently there is a character on British television named Reggie who faked his own death, hence the term, “Doing a reggie.”  The Brits loving giving things little nicknames… but, “Doing a Reggie,” sounds a lot dirty than what they mean:

How to fake your death and get away with it

If you don’t know what bukake is… it’s like playing soggy biscuit with a womans face in place of the biscuit… if you don’t know what soggy biscuit is… i’m totally not explaining that one… frankly I’m just impressed that the producers of a bukake film shoot are so profesh’:

Bukake payment request form

Some people would say that the above is an aberration, a bizarre sexual practice that has no place in this world… these are those people:

5 Sex Experts who made the world a worse place

All this hype and love over Heath Ledger… i kinda hope that they don’t use his footage for that new Terry Gilliam movie he started work on… it’s nice to see an actor go out on a high note:

9 Best final performances

1 guy 1 blog

July 25, 2008

I got nuthin for today… I’m still dealing with 1 girl 1 cake… so I’ll just give you this animated gif that makes me giggle:

There was this fast food place by my house in New Orleans called Rax… it was like a Roy Rogers, or an Arby’s, basically just roast beef sandwiches.  I was eating one in the restaurant and bit down on what felt like a piece of metal. Turns out their roast beef is shipped in a can and the opener had shaved off a large hunk of metal which wound up in my sandwich.  They presented me with a free sandwiches for life card as an apology.  Then I was left with a conundrum, do I really want to eat roast beef sandwiches that I know came from a can even if they’re free:

7 Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits

Speaking of almost choking to death on a sharp piece of metal:

7 People who cheated death and then kicked it in the balls

Know you will know who to thank next time you are at a sporting event and can’t see the field/court because the asshole in front of you has a giant foam finger:

The history of the foam finger

If we find out that Jim Henson is alive and well, I will be ecstatic!!!  Probably not… but even so it’s nice to see new Muppet videos:

Mysterious viral Muppet clips

I don’t think I ever needed to know this much about semen and/or vaginal secretions, but for those of you who needed this much information:

Everything you need to know about… fluids

Advice I seriously need to take:

F’ the girl scouts

July 24, 2008

I had a long day yesterday… a really long day… towards the end of said day I entertained a group of 40 girl scouts and their counselors (or den mothers or whatever the hell they are called).  I gave them special attention, I danced with all of them (until my knees hurt), took pictures with all of them (until my soul was gone), sang songs for them (until my throat was sore)… they probably gave me a really nice tip right?  No… not a damn thing.  I don’t mean they were cheap, like they handed me a couple of ones… I mean, not a damn thing.  Nothing.  That’s why I say f’ the girl scouts and their cookies.

Ah, celebrities, is there anything they won’t endorse?:
Top 10 celebrity ads

Woo Hoo, we’re number 8!  But will someone explain to me how Baton Rouge made the list and is the only city in Louisiana to do so.  My hometown, New Orleans, isn’t even representing in the top 100… I call Shenanigans:

100 Drunkest cities

WARNING for everyone who is not Tim Sheridan: You will probably not find this as funny as I do and will be angry at me for bringing it to your attention.  First there was 2 girls 1 cup… then for a long time there was nothing… because how could you top that?  Well… here comes 1 girl 1 cake.  I will tell you exactly what it is so you can’t get mad at me, and you definitely shouldn’t watch this one at work or public library.  It’s a girl sitting bare assed on a chocolate cake and farting.  That’s all:

1 Girl 1 Cake

It’s about time someone wrote a rap song about the FUPA:

No thanks, I’m good:

Black Q-Tips

And, finally I’m going to end today on a serious note… just an FYI article:

25 most vicious iraq war profiteers

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday… I was out the door by 6am and only took a break yesterday to see Dark Knight.  I don’t want to say I was underwhelmed but perhaps the hype machine was detrimental in that my expectations were unreasonably high.  I enjoyed it… Heath was great… and I love Eckhart but I kinda wanted more from him.  I am nitpicking, it’s a good movie… but maybe not the best I’ve seen this summer. This really is the best summer for movies in my lifetime.

Bringing the tone down for a minute… Estelle Getty passed away yesterday.  She played Sophia on the Golden Girls, and I actually had a chance to meet her when I was in high school.  She was a very funny woman, and very kind… she will be missed.

Now I’ve gotta get the hell out here… it’s 6am as I’m writing this, I have to be out the door at 730 and I’m working tonight til 11.  There will be a 3 hour window in there where I will be able to maybe take a nap at a diner but I’m not optimistic.

So you’ll also forgive my ham-fisted introduction to the links today… and maybe I will see you tomorrow…

You know what’s funny… SNL… you know what’s funny on SNL… Celebrity Jeopardy sketches:

Top 10 Celebrity Jeopardy sketches on SNL

You know who’s hot… Megan Fox:

Giant Megan Fox gallery

This article includes my favorite 60 minutes video of all time… which pretty much guaranteed it’s inclusion today:

8 Badass Sci-Fi predictions that came true… sort of

Why people gotta keep destroyin’ my city?:

15 Ways NY has been destroyed in movies

Say goodbye to the next few minutes… these all got posted last week… they are commercials for something called GotVmail… I don’t know or care what it is… but the videos… it’s like a mini business seminar… presented by Gary Busey… that got your attention didn’t it:

Gary Busey on business

Dark Knight has broken every record for anything ever, I think it even shattered the long standing record for long jump.  198 million dollars its first week… and I still haven’t seen the damn thing!!!  My friend Tim sent me a text message that simply said, “OMFG OMFG OMFG Batman OMFG.”  For the uneducated OMFG stands for OH MY F*cking God!  I’ve been way too busy.  I’m leaving for a work in a few minutes, after that, my Uncle is in town so I’m doing dinner with him, then it’s my friend Travis’ birthday so I’m stopping to have a drink with him after dinner.  Then i have to wake up at 6am tomorrow to go do a show in New Jersey.  I should be back to the city by 1pm… which means… Batman.  Then I HAVE to do laundry… oh that also means I may not post something tomorrow.  Sorry… I am only human.

It’s sad really, we shouldn’t glorify this Batman character, it’s bad for our children:

10 Mental illnesses Batman definitely has

I miss Highlights Magazine… I used to have a subscription and would read ever issue from front to back, even as a teenager it was the most comforting thing in the doctor’s waiting room.  This would be less so:

Highlights for Children… by Satan

I lose sleep about these people sometimes… it’s good to know some of them are doing well:

Where are they now?  Unfortunate internet celebrities

I feel for advice columnists, I can’t say anything about this question other than just giving you the title:

My wife left me when the dolphins at Sea World gave me an erection

There’s nothing that brings more more insight into why children today are so messed up and addicted to Ritalin and speak in slang than seeing how they’re being warped as infants:

20 products to traumatize your infants

I’ll admit the only reason I moved to New York in the first place was for the great public access cable shows…

Stripper karaoke

Fat America

July 18, 2008

New studies have shown that American’s are fat. Ok… not so new… but they’ve broken it down by state. It turns out Mississippi is on top of the list with 32.6% of it’s population being classified as obese. Alabama and Lousiana round out the top 3. Colorado is the thinnest at 19.3%, it must be the thin air up there. What shocked me was that New York finished in the top half at number 19 with 25.5% of it’s people. Those can’t be in Manhattan… for chrissake we walk everywhere and I don’t think most of are eating a cruller while walking to work.

If Christian Bale says, “Papa Spank,” I’ll see the new Batman movie 12 times instead of just 10:

Most bizarre Batmans (Batmen?)

Ahh.. the home shopping channel… home to more stupidity and bloopers than actual bargains:

10 Best home shopping bloopers

Someone has kidnapped Jesus and people may be upset, but at least he’s documented the ordeal (Cheers to Randy for sending this to me and for the advice to start reading from the bottom):

Save the Cracker

Thank you, thank you, thank you… I really have the highest hopes for this movie… the graphic novel is incredible.. and from the looks of the first trailer he may have not totally f’d it up… Watchmen:

There are certain people you hope to meet when out for a night of drinking, there are also some that you hope to not run into:

10 Worst people in a bar

What an Andy Dick

July 17, 2008

What’s going on in celebrity news today? Andy Dick got a arrested for possession of illegal narcotics and sexual assault of 17 year old waitress while pissing in that parking lot of a BW3. If you are in the least bit surprised by this… then you don’t know who Andy Dick is. Friends of Andy Dick when reached for a comment said, “Duh.”

Badgers are vicious… right? So next time you think a dachshund is sissy dog… think about what it was bred for:

5 Roots of sissy dogs

Note taken… when naming a band don’t name it after a place… it automatically doubles your suck quotient:

25 Bad bands named after places

Thankfully it turns out I’m only slightly warm on the temperature guage:

Are you “that guy?”

Easily my favorite kind of hero… though I am disappointed to see Mel Gibson not making the cut for Payback:

Top 20 movie anti-heroes

There are freaks who like sex with animals, there are people who like sexy lingerie… rarely do the two meet… until now:

Zoophilia

So I’m watching this G’s to Gents show on MTV and this was never more evident:

Gangstas, they don’t make ’em like they used to

Sorry … this is a little naughty… but I can’t help it… a girl with a British accent, playing a Wii.. while topless… it’s like Christmas came early:

Emma Frain gets Wii Fit

It’s my first bit of exclusive celebrity gossip. Only because I witnessed it myself… all these rumors going around that A-Rod is having an affair with Madonna… I say nay. I passed by A-Rod’s apartment on Park Ave in Manhattan yesterday and watched Ingrid Casares (best friend to Madonna) walk out of his building. A couple of the paparazzi there recognized her but didn’t pay her much mind… 10 minutes later I wathed A-Rod strut to his awaiting SUV decked out in a suit for the parade.

My theory… it’s not Madonna but her best friend Ingrid who is having the affair with Rodriguez. You heard it here first.

In other news… Meet Dave came out this weekend:

50 Movies that out grossed Meet Dave‘s opening

There is now a fake documentary about the making of Tropic Thunder that has been online for a while along with pages for it’s of it’s stars.. but I felt as if I had to share this picture from Ben Stiller’s characters page for obvious reasons:

Lets hope that the Riddler isn’t the next villan Christopher Nolan tackles… because it’s going to be hard to wipe the taste of these out of my mouth:

Top 10 Riddler riddles

Learn Judo in 30 seconds and start to physically hurt after just watching 15 seconds:

I have a love/hate relationship with stupid people… they provide me hours of entertainment but they occasionally make all of our lives difficult:

Customers from hell

This are much easier to understand than the bathrooms at a certain restaurant I may or may not work at:

Bathroom signs