Work in regress

March 1, 2010

Due to people getting angry at me for not posting anything for a while… I will put this post up which is unfinished but has been sitting in here as a draft for god knows how long.
Sorry… I’ve had paying work… so not much time to ruminate on the internets stupidity. Frankly, and this is going to be a controversial stance, I blame you readers. Had you focused on making me more popular it would be ReversiblePanda.0 not Tosh.0 … but c’est la vie. For being so loyal here’s half of an incomplete post.

My favorite thing of the month. I have no words to describe it. Though, neither does he (if you’re like me, it gets funnier the longer it goes on):

I haven’t taken this test in a while… but I think I may have gone up in price… I am worth exactly $2,706,152:

How much are you worth?

Once a year Askmen does a top 99 women list… it’s always interesting to me to see who they choose… there are always a few I’ve never heard of and a few that have no business being on the list… I thought I would give you a little insight into my feelings about this years list.

FYI you can find the whole list with photos here:

Askmen Top 99

99. Jamie-Lynn Sigler (remember the Sopranos… so does she.. that’s pretty much all she’s got)

98. Arianny Celeste (she was apparently a UFC ring girl… yeah… I never heard of her either)

97. Sasha Grey (pornstar turned “legit” by playing a whore in a Soderbergh film…)

96. Doira Baird (star of many of my dreams, unless you’re a fan of women built like goddesses, you probably don’t know who she is… hint: topless in Wedding Crashers)

95. Erin Burnett (reporter on CNBC, she looks like what would happen in the Deschanel sisters had a child of their own)

94. Alexa Chung (met her once… crazy tall… hot British accent… she offered me a job then never called… but I’m totally not bitter… ok maybe a little)

93. Audrey Tautou (I’ve only ever seen her in Amelie, oh, and that clip of her in some movie where she’s topless… go ahead google it… I’ll wait… …. … nice right?)

92. Carey Mulligan (looks too young for me to find her hot… what is she 12?)

91. Julia Allison (columnist for Time Out NY… kinda looks like Anne Hathaway with Gina Gershon’s lips)

90. Carrie Underwood (When she won American Idol I thought she was cute… fame has been kind … she’s graduated to very very bangable)

89. Denise Milani (who?  really?  a girl who did autoshows made this list?  this means she’s willing to put out to get on to internet lists… )

88. Angelina Jolie (how the mighty have fallen… perhaps people finally realized that she weighs less than a penny and probably tastes as metallic)

87. Maria Menounos (miss teen USA Massachusetts when she was 17… if not for her allegiance to the Bush family she’d be an honorary Greek Kennedy)

86. Kristen Wiig (I am thrilled to find her here, but disappointed because knowing that others think she’s as hot as I do gives me less of a shot… )

85. Blake Lively (admittedly hot… but not hot enough to make me watch Gossip Girl)

84. Cate Blanchett (

83. Diane Kruger (

82. Jessica Simpson (it’s good to still see her on the list despite gettin a bit beefy.. I’m all for that, but 10 more pounds and I have to start taking IQ into consideration)

81. Whitney Port (Is the Hills still a show?  is MTV still a network?  or is that on Vh1?  Guess what?  Don’t know.  Don’t care.)

80. Selita Ebanks (she’s married to who??)

79. Anna Paquin (I still haven’t forgiven her for her portrayal of Rogue, where in the south was she from? Clicheville?

78. Chelsea Handler (Irreverent and funny but probably looser than a vegetarians stool)

77. Joanna Krupa

76. Kristen Bell (I couldn’t watch Veronica Mars because I was afraid of chaffing from over pleasuring myself)

75. Leighton Meester

74. Eva Longoria

73. Alesha Dixon (Askmen claims she’s famous for a single on the Catwoman soundtrack… to me this means… she’s not famous)

72. Ana Ivanovic (tennis players always get a bonus hotness point for having a job that makes them grunt like pornstars)

71. Sophie Monk

70. Tricia Helfer

69. Leona Lewis

68. Gina Carano (There is only one instance in which I would thoroughly enjoy getting my ass kicked… Gina could rip out my spleen and show it to me and I would smile and shuffle my feet nervously)

67. Izabel Goulart

66. Halle Berry

65. Maria Sharapova (see #72 and move her higher on the list for being better at swatting balls and grunting)

64. Jennifer Hawkins

63. Aishwarya Rai (Easily the hottest Indian on the planet…. hands down… which is all the more impressive when you consider there are more than 1.1 billion people in India)

62. Ivanka Trump

61. Anne Hathaway

60. Eliza Dushku (she’s all torso with stubby legs)

59. Coco Rocha

58. Christina Hendricks (I could make a really crass joke about her giant breasts, but I can’t because I’m distracted by her giant breasts)

57. Lucy Pinder

56. Rihanna

55. Emma Watson (finally old enough to be hot without being illegally hot)

54. Marion Cotillard (I’ve thought about doing things to her that they’ve never even heard of in France)

53. Emily Blunt

52. Holly Weber

51. Taylor Swift (something so wrong but so right about her at the same time)

50. Freida Pinto (see #63… I would be more ok with this if the two were reversed on this list… ‘Aish’ is way hotter.