Against good judgement

October 29, 2009

Here it is… a clip from yesterdays Tyra… I’m the one that looks like a schmuck but doesn’t buy the 3 words:

Tyra

October 28, 2009

Three hours from my writing this, the episode of Tyra on which I appear will air.  7 hours from my writing this I will be on stage in the West Village playing an alcoholic party clown.  And you thought your life was weird.

There are sprinkles of me throughout the preview for todays episode on the Tyra show, you can blame Tyra’s stylist for giving me Kate Gosselin’s hairdo:

Tyra’s 3 Words Episode

A lot of kids seem to think that if they doodle on their school notebooks and have vivid imaginations, one day they will make comic books for a living.  That lasted about an hour for me in the third grade.  But that doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun making your own comic strips.  I made this little piece of art in about 5 minutes.

Can you top that?  Probably… Stop judging and make your own:

Marvel Create Your Own Comic

Because I like smooth segues, the fact of the matter is comics can be about whatever you want.  Hell, Aquaman has been around for decades and he can’t do shit:

Aquaman comics if Aquaman realized how much Aquaman sucks

Years ago I posted something about the Russian doctor who was transplanting dog heads, and the powder that regrew a thumb… science marches on… I found this list of those and 23 other things that will make your brain melt:

25 Horrifically real science experiments

I don’t have to explain why this is here do I?

Bacon art

The internet has created some interesting things usually the product of someone ith a lot of time on their hands… this is no exception but is exceptionally cool.  The Pulp Fiction audio mash-up:

What can I say?  I’m a Muff-fan:

Mormon Muffin Calendar

So 1 week from yesterday… Wednesday the 28th is the night of the Dare Project, I’ll be playing a retired alcoholic party clown.  Weird right?  Weirder still… it is also the day my episode of Tyra will be airing… check local listings… I only have about 10 seconds of camera time as I answer one question posed to me by Tyra and there will be a montage of the mixer I attended, I apologize in advance if I look like a tool… I probably will, they bought me drinks what could I do?  Anyway… I look forward to everyone making fun of me and rightly so… I agreed to be on Tyra for Chrissakes.

If you are in NY come to the Dare project that night and make fun of me in person after the show:

Dare Project

Moving on to less personal matters… in a way… Confession time… I have never really been a “boob guy.”  That’s not to say I didn’t appreciate them… but lately I’ve been admiring them a bit more… not in like a dirty way… ok well a dirty way… I’m not a pervert or anything, I’m just saying I have developed an affinity for them… not affinity… maybe fondness… I’ll stop talking:

10 Hottest D-cup celebrities

I am contractually obligated to mention this since I found it… I cannot recommend it to anyone, but I may have to buy it, if you beat me to it, please let me know how it is:

Spreadable bacon jam

Put on your awesome hats cus this site is exactly what it says it is:

Rad Dudes

Sorry… I know it’s a short one today… but I got things to do, so you’ll take what I give you and be happy with it… I’ll leave you with this though:

One of those mornings…

October 15, 2009

I really, really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  It has finally turned just cold enough that the shift from under the covers to out of the bed is bearable only after a good 45 minutes of hitting snooze and grunting. The trains were all messed up and when I stopped at the bodega to get coffee I had to wait 5 minutes while the one deli guy made 3 hero sandwiches for other people.  Seriously what the hell are you doing eating ham, turkey and cheese on a hero at 1030 in the morning.  Though I must admit I smiled after watching the guy put 4 slices of cheese on one hero prompting the customer to say, “That’s it?  I put more cheese on a mouse trap.”

I’ve posted links like this before, but when I find pages like this I can’t help but pass them along.  It’s kind of wonderful to look at Linda Beatty, the playmate the month I was born.  I have to say that minus the 70’s hairstyling (and I’m not talking about on her head) she still holds up as attractive today…:

Every playmate 1953-2008

In fairness to the ladies… here’s a video with some male naughty bits (just drawings… if they were real penii (yes, that’s the plural of penis) that would be gross):

Office Dick Mystery

Ok… the last link of questionable taste for the day… only because it stars Alan Tudyk (of Firefly and Dodgeball fame) and my favorite pornstar Belladonna (of Asstravaganza and Booty Duty 11 fame):

PG Porn – High Poon

Here’s kind of a two for one link… firstly the video… a frog on a motorcycle.  Can it get better than that?  Yes.  Yes it can… it’s on a website which will take any youtube video and replace the audio with the Benny Hill music.  FTW:

Benny Hill Frog on a Motorcycle

We all know that I’m obsessed with the limits of the human body… or maybe we don’t… point is technology is always improving us.  I am the type who is worried that people are going to hack into his webcam  so the idea that someone is having his eye replaced with a camera is terrifying:

Building a superhuman

Enter Sandman by Metallica… as told by cats… that is all:

Among other things

October 13, 2009

So… it has been… a while… here’s what’s been going on with me… I quit my restaurant job back at the end of August. I am now working for a website… (more on that later when we launch to the public)… I was interviewed on the Tyra Banks show (more on that when I find out when it’s airing… maybe… I haven’t decided if it’s something I am ashamed of yet)… and I shot my first national commercial campaign… more on that right here:

Now before you watch this… I pop up once at about midway through pointing at a sign that says “Boston,” and then I get the button line at the end regarding the limp pizza in my hand… I know, I know, it’s all very exciting… check it out and be in awe of my years of theatre training:

NHL Center Ice

These guys won a talent show which for lack of bi-lingualism I will call Denmark’s Got Talent.  I have now watched a bunch of their you tube videos… I’ll leave it to you to see if you want to do an all out search for them after watching the one clip… I just love this stuff… I give you Nick & Jeppe:

Sometimes people have brilliant ideas when they are on mind altering substances… Salvador Dali once claimed, “I am drugs.”  Thomas Pynchon was rumored to have written Gravity’s Rainbow while on acid… there is now a site for people to log their “brilliant” ideas that come to them when they are high.  While revelations like, “i think all things in the world should be made of carpet. that way, instead of like, breaking bones, or shit like that, all you get is rug burn,” and, “What if there were bullets that healed you when you got shot by them? You could help sick people by shooting them!” aren’t Gravity’s Rainbow… they certainly are entertaining:

Highdeas

Speaking of things people come up with when they are high…

Get On My Horse

Color me surprised… turns out I am a fun-lover after all:

How do you hold your drink?

Sometimes we all need a pep talk… this is a great, all-purpose, get pumped-up mash-up of famous movie motivational speeches:

I will use those speeches to motivate me to come back to writing more often.  In the meantime, let me know if you’re still reading and enjoying and I will try to get back to updating regularly.   Hope you are all well.

Just a quickie

February 8, 2009

I’ve been laughing about this all week… which is awful… because drugs are bad.. especially if you’re 7.

Mmm… eyeballs.

January 19, 2009

You know what I say to someone who pulls out their own eye and eats it? I say, “Sir, you clearly have some issues, you should go to a mental institution where you can speak to a professional about said issues.” You know what Texas says? Prison. You know what Texas says after he pulls out his other eye and eats it?

Mmm… eye bulbs

You would assume the guy above would have no problem eating any of these things… whereas I… who is relatively sane… would not touch these with a fork or a 30 foot pole:

6 Sadistic Dishes

In keeping with the horrifying things theme today… ever wanted to know what it would feel like to smash your hand with a hammer but don’t really want to deal with the messy aftermath…:

Hallucinate by hacking your brain

I always liked Patton Oswalt… and now I know that we are kindered spirits… his blog entry put into words what I’ve never been able to:

Statham… yell it when you’re fucking

Happpy New Year

January 1, 2009

That’s right… 3 p’s… That’s how freakin happy… or maybe it’s a stutter brought on by the fact that it was 14 degrees here in New York for the new year.
Just wanted to stop in and say I’ve been sick and trying to work things out as usual. I figured January 1st 2009 is as good a time as any to remind you why you stop in here occasionally… because I find the next big ridiculous thing on the internet before anyone else does. (So ridiculous that it actually made my girl smile after The Wrestler gave her perma-sad (side note… see The Wrestler))
And here on the first day of the new year I bring you…
Hamster on a Piano

What you see above is a fried chicken wing I purchased from Popeye’s Famous Chicken and Biscuits in Long Island City, NY.  Attached to said wing you will see not one but two feathers.  These bad boys survived the de-feathering process (which consists by the way, of the carcasses being strapped to a conveyor line and run through a machine of rubber “fingers” designed to beat off feathers. The limp bodies are moved through a sequence of machines, each optimized for removing different sets of feathers. At this point the carcasses are usually singed by passing through a flame that burns off any remaining feathers… giggle… I said, ““beat off” feathers.”), dissection of the flesh, shipping, freezing, and flash frying.

The photos were taken because of my abject disgust at their existence.

As my friend Richard pointed out by humorously personifying the feathers… they watched as their friends were ripped from their host, they watched the removal of the limb they call home, and just when they thought it couldn’t get any worse, they were covered in batter and fried.

I thought, I’m going to complain, this is repugnant… then I realized… what do I have to complain about?

Dear Popeye’s,

I was saddened to open my box of chicken only to be reminded that the thing I was eating used to be a living breathing bird.  In the future I hope that you do not give me an aide-memoire of my own foods mortality.  Know that in the coming months I will only be eating chicken strips from your establishment so I can continue to maintain the illusion that chicken comes from some kind of food tree you keep in a warehouse.

Thank you,

Reversible Panda

Maybe the feathers make it healthy… that’s no stranger than the stuff some people believe:

7 Food myths the internet thinks are true

I have developed a new crush… this girl is on a cable network called G4, because of her little watched cable channel status, she joins women like Giada De Laurentiis (number 2 on this list – 20 Hottest celebrity chefs)as a woman who is the sole reason I watch the network they are on:

10 Hottest Olivia Munn moments

I, as most actors do, am often complaining that I need a new headshot… I’m very happy with the one I’m using now… even happier when I realize how bad it could be:

Holy headshot

I don’t think I have any real phobias.. I just get extremely uncomfortable around people wearing silly hats:

A to Z of bizzare phobias

We have only 60 days left to the Bush presidency… the only downside I see to that is my friend James will get less work… you may recognize him as the Bush from Harold and Kumar… :

Face to Bush

Reminds of the time I got stopped at the little xray machine because I forgot I had a pair of handcuffs in my bag… long story:

10 Freaky moments in airport security

Hallowed ween

October 31, 2008

It’s just about 1am on Halloween…

I didn’t go out because frankly I wear a costume everyday at work, and I just don’t feel like being social.  I’m going to watch the DVR’d Office and go to bed.

I’ve been kind of a hermit the past couple of weeks working on some personal things, trying to spend more time by myself… I have a friend in town this weekend and another one coming next week so I will be a little more social but then I may return to hermit-land.

I just thought I would pop in and give an update… sorry it wasn’t anything exciting, but it’s part of my masterplan to become more boring.

So as to not be entirely solipsistic I should put something here to make it worth your while to stop by… and these make me smile more than they should… not just 80s videos but 80s videos with new lyrics to match the video: