A sad day

May 6, 2008

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson engaged? To paraphrase MacDuff, how can I lose one of my crushes and one of my purely hetero-sexual man-crushes all in one fell swoop? I hope they’re happy… and that they’ll invite me over for brunch and to watch them do it. I’m kidding of course. I would not want to watch them do it. It would clearly just make me question my own technique, because with years of yoga and strength training I’m sure Ryan can do things that I can’t fathom. I have officially put too much thought into this and am offended by myself.

With apologies to those who have asked me to refrain from bodily function discussion… Of all things the internet has taught me, this may be the most useful: “Bescumber is just one of many words in the English language that basically mean “to spray with poo”. These are: BEDUNG, BERAY, IMMERD, SHARNY, and the good ol’ SHITTEN. In special cases, you can use BEMUTE (specifically means to drop poo on someone from great height), SHARD-BORN (born in dung), and FIMICOLOUS (living and growing on crap).” Thank you internet:

10 Insulting words you should know

I feel for this seal. He probably tried to get help from his friends and they laughed at him for being different. Just like when I tried to tell my schoolmates about my sexual crush on Smurfette:

Seal caught raping a penguin

A month or two ago I posted a list of the 50 most memorable pin-ups, they’ve added 50 more… but since they didn’t make the first list, I guess they’re not as memorable… I dunno the science behind it, I just know that Monica Bellucci even photographed from behind is still one of the hottest women to ever walk the planet:

50 More most memorable pin-ups

Personally, pin-ups are nice and all… but I’m classy, that’s why I would prefer to hang vintage xxx movie posters from the 50s and 60s in my house:

Vintage porn poster collection

Humanity… god bless us… our own kind starving in the streets and we have several videos of people who can eat a big mac in one bite. Ah… gluttony… my second favorite mortal sin:

Big Mac 1 bite challenge

I don’t care what anyone says… the ET game for Atari was awesome:

The rise and fall of Atari

Jesus sure pops up in the strangest places:

Jesus Christ in cornflakes and other odd locales

Again… with apologies to those who have asked me to refrain from bodily function discussion. What’s funnier than diarrhea? Lot’s of things… but the intertubes have provided us with the 10 “funniest” instances (number 7 is why I’m not a doctor):

10 Funniest diarrhea moments

A treat for a Tuesday, courtesy SNL, In Living Color, and MadTV… mostly SNL:

50 Best Commercial Parodies of all time